A few weeks ago, when my family started enquiring as to the status of our cycle, I set up a private blog to provide them with updates and pictures. I thought I would wait until we had answered the "ectopic" question - no need to cause unecessary panic, although I remain fully in favour of the necessary variety - and then let them in on the news as it happened. But even after that scan I hesitated. It's hard to carry this burden without the help of our families, but it's harder to feel they've let us down. In the past, I've often regretted giving people the chance.

Last week I rung both my parents and grandparents, hoping they'd raise the topic, looking for an opportunity to explain what's been going on, baldly seeking a few words of comfort. I find it difficult to broach the subject in conversation, and after being fobbed off the first time, they've decided to stop asking. Several phone calls later, my mission had failed. So on Saturday, I sent my parents an invitation to the private blog.

They've visited several times over the last few days.

I've heard nothing.

I don't know what to do about it except post this entry, in the hope that someone, somewhere, will read it and think, gosh, well, mental note, there is a fine line between pestering a couple for information and ignoring the situation completely, and I'm one step closer to figuring out how to walk it. So here it is:

I know it's hard. I know it's awkward. I know the rules seem to change on a daily basis and you're always afraid of causing offense and getting your head snapped off. But please - don't give up. As long as your heart's in the right place, you'll be forgiven. Don't stop calling. Don't stop asking if we want to talk about it. Don't stop making the point that you're here, and you want to help.

Just please, whatever you do, don't leave us alone.


19 Comments

My Reality said...

I won't leave you alone, Bea.

Maybe your family doesn't pick up on subtlety? Maybe posting that entry will be what they need to know how to handle things.

I am thinking of you and Mr. B.

Jess said...

Oh Bea, we're here.

But I know that it's harder because we're not IRL people for you. We're not real voices. Real arms. Real shoulders.

Family always lets us down and I find friends aren't much better. I hope your family can pick up on things and figure them out soon.

Dramalish said...

Bea...
I'm sorry, hon. I wish I was there IRL to say "This is awkward and it sucks, but I'm here and I care."
But even though it's just in a "cyber" sense, I'm going to say it anyway.
Hugs.
-D.

Jules said...

I hope this entry is what your family needs.

Love to you & Mr B.

GLouise said...

I am so sorry, Bea. I hope that they will reach out as soon as possible.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am sorry Bea. Hopefully this post is enough for them to see how much you need them right now. I am here for you and if I were there I would give you a big hug.

Bea said...

Just to clarify - I haven't directed them here, I've set up a password-protected blog specifically for the family. It's much more restrained.

Bea

Anne said...

I've been silently lurking here. But my heart really goes out to you. I was in that limbo briefly and it's absolute hell, being suspended between your worst fears and greatest hopes. Please hang in there. And keep letting us know how you're doing.

Baby Blues said...

I'm here Bea!

I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel that our families are afraid to ask. They're afraid I might be in one of my sensitive moods. But I do agree, totally ignoring or not acknowledging it is worse than being asked with sincere intent. Or sometimes I wonder if they just find IF such a heavy gloomy uncertain subject and they'd rather not dwell on it.

Hugs. I hope your family would be able to give you much love and support, in the way you'd appreciate it.

Krista said...

So sorry Bea. Sorry that you are going through this and that your family doesn't know how best to react. I hope your private blog provides them with insight and that it is just taking a couple of days to decide how to do it.

Thinking of you.

Changing Expectations said...

Bea,

I hope that your family comes through. Know that you are not alone.

Thinking about you

ms. c said...

Right here and thinking of you always.

ultimatejourney said...

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your family. For what it's worth, their intentions are probably good. Maybe you can add a customized post to the special family blog about how to be good friends with an infertile who is dealing with an extra dose of uncertainty, and they'll take the hint. Good luck, and I'm hoping for the best for you.

Trixie said...

Bea... I understand you so well. It's nice that they're sensitive enough not to pester you. Maybe they need a way in like you saying, "this limbo has made me crazy!" or, "With everything we've been through these past few weeks, I'm so glad I've known you'd be there to listen whenever I was ready..." Maybe given an opportunity like that, they'll be what you need during this time.

Samantha said...

We're here for you, as best we can.

I hope your family will figure out how to broach the topic soon. I'm really sorry the living hell continues.

Vee said...

I a here too Bea, you have been in my thoughts all weekend.

I know its not the same as family and friends. I hope they learn how to deal with this and are by your side to give you strength and a shoulder.

take care

Bumble said...

Oh Bea! I wish I could give you a huge hug to let you know I'm here too. I hope your family comes around for you x

steph said...

I think family just can't win. Really. Mine have actually told me they never know what to say next. They don't want to ask all the time, even though they care and want to know. My mom asked me once which one was on the phone - ok with it daughter or the world is ending daughter. I was miffed at first thinking she was insensitive, but then I realized she was right.
Hell, I don't know which me I'll be some of the time!
Keep dropping the subtle hints. If that fails, just speak up and tell them. If they 've been supportive you know they will be again.....

millie said...

Oh Bea. I'm so sorry. It's all so hard, isn't it?

Is there anyway you can post something like this on that blog? Let them know how much you need them and how hard this is for all of you?

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