Hopeful Bea has already started rehearsing her script. She clears her throat theatrically, and takes one last look at her lines, mouthing them to herself rapidly before nodding as if ready to begin. A pause for the start of the scene, and then, "Oh!" she gushes, trying to make the water well up in her eyes. "Oh my- oh my g- Oh!" She fans her face and looks upward, gasping for air, and then collapses forwards, overflowing with tears of joy. The loosely assembled audience claps half-heartedly, and she breaks character to take a bow.

Logical Bea takes the opportunity to peel away from the crowd, looking soundly unmoved by the performance. Soon she spies Anxious Bea, at her desk in the corner, nervously chewing the end off her biro and oblivious to the ink stain spreading around her mouth. "Thought I'd find you working on an alternative," says Logical, giving Anxious a start. "What've you got so far?"

"Well," Anxious begins, looking embarrased, "the scene is this: ultrasound shows minimal growth of the gestational sac, and no heartbeat. We rush a blood test through the lab, which confirms the end is inevitable. Then I, sort of, well I can't work out whether to go for stony-faced stoicism or disruptively noisy grief."

Logical nods. "Want my advice? Focus less on the emotional aspect. That'll happen by itself, and you can't plan for it. What you need to be writing down are constructive questions, things like, What are our options? Can we do tissue testing on the embryo?"

"Should we schedule an endometrial biopsy, and when?" suggests Anxious, but Logical shakes her head.

"Too much at once. There'll be time for that talk when this pregnancy's over and a new cycle has begun."

"You mean "if", don't you?"

"Sure. If. That's only logical."

Anxious nods thoughtfully, and sets to work. Soon the script is ready for rehearsal. She stands, and delivers her lines woodenly. "Can we do tissue testing on the embryo? What will that involve, and when can we discuss the results? Can you explain the pros and cons of each of our options? What signs of complications should I look out for? How will it happen?" She faulters. "I mean, exactly how - where will I go, who will I speak to at each stage, what will I say? What..." She breaks off, sobbing quietly. "I'm sorry - this isn't in the script."

After an awkward pause, Logical walks over and puts an arm stiffly around Anxious's shoulder. "Try not to be upset," she says, feeling futile. "Hey - I still think it's going to be ok in the end."

"You do?" Anxious looks pleadingly into Logical's face.

"Sure," says Logical, and she is. "Whatever happens tomorrow, try to remember we're not out of options yet. Things still have a good chance of working out in the end. It's only elementary logic."

--
Don't forget to leave your thoughts over at IIFF. As of yesterday, there is a new post, discussing the next festival.


25 Comments

steph said...

Wow. That made me really sad. I hate that these thoughts exist in the first place and have to be reckoned with one way or another. I hope the Hopeful Bea has her day. Her performance is definitely best.

The Town Criers said...

I started checking tonight--you know I'm not great with the time change. And just thinking about you, Bea. And sending good thoughts to both of you.

Vee said...

"Hey - I still think it's going to be ok in the end."

Is this line in the script ?
I like it a lot I think it should be.

Adrienne said...

Sending you good thoughts and well-wishes, Bea. And crossing all appendages and other knobby parts for you.

megan said...

I too hope that Hopeful Bea has her day. Crossing fingers and toes for you and Jester.

Jess said...

Thinking of you and hoping that everything will be ok in the end, NOW.

Bumble said...

Here thinking about you and hoping with all my might. The other bee. x

shazz said...

Thinking of you xx

Twisted Ovaries said...

I respect and admire you so much for working things out in many voices.

I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and that you're not alone. Not ever.

Artblog said...

Hoping and wishing the best for you.

X Artblog

Karaoke Diva said...

You're in my thought, Bea. I'm wishing the best you for you and yours.

Mands said...

Bea, Iam so sad, but ever hopeful for you.

Samantha said...

Finger crossed for you Bea!

sharah said...

I'm rooting for Hopeful Bea -- she needs a turn in the spotlight!

Fingers crossed honey.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I so hope that everything turns out okay. Thinking of you. xx

My Reality said...

I am hoping for a happy ending for this script.

serenity said...

I like the line too: "I still think it's going to be ok in the end. We're not out of options yet."

But I'm with the others... I am SO.VERY.HOPING that Hopeful Bea has her day.

Thinking of you and Mr. Bea...

xxxxxxxx

Aurelia said...

Oh Bea....I'm so sorry you have to go through this...it just sucks, I think.

thirdtimelucky said...

I'm hoping it works out for you too.

Krista said...

Please let Hopeful Bea haver her day. So sorry you are going through this but I love the post, it explains the emotions so well.

Knock Me Up said...

I always love your posts, but I feel so sad for you that you have to go through all of this. I am hopeful that Jester will surprise you and we can all jump for joy. Don't worry though, if it is not in the cards for today, we will be with you in your sadness too -- caring about you from afar, but caring very much nevertheless.
Merideth

Ellen K. said...

I'm also crossing my fingers for Hopeful Bea.

Kris said...

This is sad. I hate that we have to go through these dress rehearsals instead of getting to be oblivious. I, too, hope that Hopeful Bea will get to shine.

Lut C. said...

Oh Bea, why must you go through such sadness.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're being tortured.Hoping for some good news. It's so unfair that when it's been so tough to get a positive it's not all smooth sailing from there.
K

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