The heartbeat scan went well. But I guess you can't pick up every ectopic pregnancy on every apparently-normal heartbeat scan. A week later her fallopian tube burst without warning and she was rushed to the OR.
The baby is obviously gone. She's ok.
WHAT I KNOW
I know when she told me it looked normal at eight weeks I was relieved.
I know much of what I'd been feeling before was a sort of displaced early pregnancy anxiety, rather than pure maternal grief.
I know there was still a touch of grief.
I know she's upset but she's handling it well. So is he.
I know ultimately, I wanted it to work.
THE QUESTIONS I HAVE
When, how, how often, and with what words should I contact them?
How do I feel that we gave them the opportunity to experience a life-threatening miscarriage?
Should I feel good that we held up "our end of the bargain" - a good embryo for our recipients - or bad that we didn't hold up "our end of the bargain" - a safe uterus for our embryo?
Is three remaining embryos enough?
When will we get to find out?
Don't the stakes seem kind of high now?
How sad am I supposed to be, and how much of my sadness am I allowed to share with them in theirs?
What's the protocol for this?
What if it never works again?