I have come down with a cold that I can't take anything for. I'm a bit pleased, actually - the smoother the road, the harder it is for me to stop worrying about getting hit by an unexpected truck, which doesn't make any sense as any road user knows, but there it is. I feel calmer with this low-level ailment. Maybe it's just lack of sleep and too many honey lemon lollies.

It's harder than I expected to believe. All the way up until about a nanosecond after the first beta, I honestly thought if we could just get a normal positive I would feel like it was going to be ok. Amazingly, I haven't learned anything from this mistake, and continue to expect that I will relax immediately after the next consult. For freak's sake, I'm still using IVF/ICSI#2 as a blog category. It's almost as if I want trouble. Which I don't. No no no no no.

So I've decided to start a new label: "clinical pregnancy". It's accurate, not like I've called it "the gestation of our first live, healthy, take-home baby!" or something like that, so surely I'm pretty safe, which is just as well, because we all know the Hubris Gremlin luuurrves to read the blogs. Anyway. Welcome to the official changeover of categories. Let's hope this one ends up growing and getting big, and looking hot in maternity clothes.

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I also wanted to point out a great new resource - The Infertile Informer is your online newspaper for all things infertility. Thanks Jules, and I can't believe how many stories are up there already! Time to go read it over a nice, hot cup of honey lemon tea.


20 Comments

soralis said...

Wishing you all the best and hoping all goes well for you

Vee said...

I am feeling confident for you. That means I can change you to the "From IF to Success Blogs" catagory on my blog.

I hope you recover from the cold quickly. Sleep is always good.

Geohde said...

Clinical pregnancy is a very clinical term, indeed. Used with pinpoint accuracy.

I hope that you get to take home baby status.

J

Lut C. said...

Even though your cold is a bit of a distraction, still, I hope you get well soon.

TeamWinks said...

You make me laugh. I can certainly understand not wanting to jinx anything though. You have every right to be superstitious! Regardless, I'm glad to see a name change.

Samantha said...

I think your cautious change will keep the hubris Gremlins at bay.

serenity said...

You know, I feel the same way - give me sickness, give me plague! I'm prepared for it!

What I can't handle is a lot of "everything's ok." Really? It's ok? I don't believe it.

I think we just get so used to dealing with years of issues and obstacles and pain and failure that it's hard to believe we don't attract that stuff.

But. I like that you're moving into another category. And the new category is very logical, accurate, and unsentimental, which at this point is probably good.

I continue to have very high hopes and good feelings about this one. If it helps.

mary ellen said...

I so hope that you recover from your cold soon, and that you end up with take home baby status at the end of this.

Karaoke Diva said...

No, no jinxing. But just take a small moment to relish the thought with me that we have only 2 weeks to go until we are out of the first trimester. I know that there's no guarantee we'll get there and there's no guarantee things will stay on an even keel after that time, but I take a guilty pleasure in each day that gets us closer to that milestone.

Beagle said...

I'm trying to find good words for what I want to express . . . I feel it's so sad (for so many in the IF realm) that even when you get "good" news you don't really get to feel good. It's either worry for bad stuff or worry that during the good stuff suddenly the other shoe will drop.

I'm with Vee . . . I feel hopeful for you but I also understand why it's so hard to rest assured until you have that real live baby.

Thinking of you.

Sunny Jenny said...

So much of our time has been spent waiting for the next shoe to drop, the next piece of bad news to be revealed.

I understand your hesitation.

Hope you're felling better soon!

My Reality said...

I think the clinical pregnancy label is the perfect way to categorize this for now. I hope you will soon me confident enough to change it to something more, well, I am not sure!

I hope your cold is better soon.

orodemniades said...

Wishing you good luck!

Sarah said...

congrats on the category move!!

Jess said...

Still hoping hard for you.

You know, I keep a journal and one part of it is listing 10 things I'm thankful for that day. I was 29 weeks yesterday. I still have yet to add "Ethan" to that list instead of "BabyP"...I'm afraid that if I give him a real name in there, he'll be gone. I'm afraid to be too thankful because I know how precious it is, as backwards as that sounds. So I feel you.

I feel you on the cold, too, as Travis, Ava, and I are all passing one around at the moment.

One day at a time. And hopefully one day you wake up and are holding your baby. That's all I can offer you, because I don't know how to believe. And frankly, I don't think I'm going to learn. :)

The Momcaster said...

oh my! i'm wishing and hoping and praying for only the best for you, bea!
(for the cold, tons of fluids and OJ)

Mel said...

I hope your cold gets better.
I am feeling very positive for you.
And thanks for your comments too :)

megan said...

i too keep thinking that i'll relax after the next appointment, milestone, what-have-you. i manage to relax for about 24 hours and then i'm all disbelieving again. i hope you get to change your label again soon.

Jenna said...

Nice category change... fair, with a hint of optimism. Lovely combination.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Hope the cold is well under control. You're one of the few people(I know, I know I need to widen the circle!) for whom I can honestly and joyfully say: I can't wait to see you in maternity clothes!

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