I did this online survey for Amnesty International. But you don't care - you're here about the scan, right? Of course right.

We lost the smaller twin. The sac is still visible, but it hasn't really grown in the last ten days. SOB says it will probably collapse and disappear, or else cause a violent miscarriage which ends the entire pregnancy, although he did try to say that last bit in a casual and positive voice. The main thing, apparently, is to stay on all the medication, except not the clexane if I start bleeding in which case it might just be an idea to give him a bit of a tinkle and maybe even pop in, you know, as long as I'm in the neighbourhood and have some spare time.

Other than that, everything looks fine! The now-depressingly-named Twin B is growing steadily, measuring just as, but no further behind than ever before, heartbeat intact, etc etc etc. In fact, goshdarnit, I might as well post this ultrasound pic for you to view at your discretion.

We knew this was on the cards. And the fact is, a single, healthy baby was the most we were ever hoping for out of this cycle. We're still in with a good chance of that, although I'll admit my confidence has been shaken, and reduced pregnancy risks (casual remarks about imminent miscarriage notwithstanding) and a more manageable infanthood are good things, better things, and that's what a singleton is. I'll be very grateful if we can have just one.

But let's save it for another day. We just lost a baby, you see.


53 Comments

serenity said...

I'm sorry to hear about Twin A. Fingers crossed here that it's the former and not the latter that happens and that your baby continues to grow and measure spot on.

Thinking of you, Bea.

xxxx

Vee said...

I am sorry this isn't getting easier for you.

I am glad that Twin B is looking fine, I have everything crossed that it continues to thrive.

Ellen K. said...

I'm very sorry, Bea.

Shelby said...

Sorry to hear about twin A. I am hoping that twin B continues to grow well. We had the same thing happen- the second sac had a tiny embryo that stopped growing. My RE never even mentioned miscarriage as a possibility, even when I asked specifically about it. He said that rarely happens, and that it usually just reabsorbs. Not that it helps, but that's just what my doc told me.

Best of luck!

Caro said...

So sorry but glad twin B is ok.

Nica said...

So what about this online survey for Amnesty International?

(sorry for your loss)

Sunny Jenny said...

Oh Bea, I am so glad to hear twin B is still with you and growing but also saddened by your loss.

I am thinking of you.

My Reality said...

I am sorry about the lost twin, Bea.

I hope Twin B is a fighter and continues to grow and thrive and comes home a happy, healthy baby.

Samantha said...

It's such a rocky road you have had to follow. I am sorry about Twin A. I hope that Twin B will continue to be well.

I'll be thinking of you.

ultimatejourney said...

I'm very sorry for your loss, but pleased to hear that things are going well with twin B.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry about your loss. That is heartbreaking.

I am so happy that Twin B is doing so well!! I hope things get better and better and better!

Jules said...

Bea, I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you, Mr Bea & your little one.

Thinking of you.

xo

JJ said...

Im so sorry for the loss of Twin A...and Im sending many good wishes that Twin B keeps growing strong!

SaraS-P said...

I am rooting for Twin B in a very big way.

Carrie said...

How bittersweet. I'm so sorry for that. After all you've been through, you deserve just joy, not this.

That said, I'm so pleased you have this chance to have a baby. I hope things get easier.

mary ellen said...

I am so sorry about the loss of twin A Bea.

I hope that twin B continues to grow and that you have a beautiful baby at the end of this. Hugs.

megan said...

i'm sorry to hear about Twin A, Bea.

i'm happy to hear about B though. i've high hopes for Twin B.

serenity said...

So that idea of yours on my blog today? Absolutely. I'll hold your hope if you'll hold mine.

*hug*

Jess said...

Oh Bea, I'm so sorry about losing one twin. But I'm overjoyed that the good news is that the other twin is looking good. I'm optimistic at the chances, this time.

But still, sorry. Sorry for sure. What a mixed bag, no? I mean...can't anythin gever just be happy straight up?

From here on out...only happy. Ok?

I said only happy, damnit! :)

Chris said...

How bittersweet. I'm so sorry for you loss and hope for nothing but good things from this point forward.

Rachel Inbar said...

Bea,
I'm so happy to hear that twin B is doing well :-) I'm sorry to hear about twin A :-(

I don't know if this is encouraging or not, but when I was pregnant with Hadas, I lost a twin that implanted but didn't develop and when I was pregnant with my twins, I lost a triplet early on. In both cases the pregnancies went to term...

I hope the same will happen to you :-)

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Jason and Samantha said...

((HUGS)) I'm sorry for your loss.

I really hope your little one stays strong and continues to grow.

Karaoke Diva said...

I'm so sorry about Twin A, Bea. Hopefully his/her passing will be gentle on your body (and his/her sibling). Of course it is not easy on your mind or your heart.

I'm so happy that Twin B is doing so well. I am hoping we both get to hear that beautiful heartbeat on the doppler very very soon!!!

Heather said...

I'm so sorry.

Anything I can do?

Aurelia said...

Sorry Bea....so crap, although yes I am glad that you are still preggers with one.

Barb said...

I'm so sorry, but I'm glad twin B is good. This isn't my first visit to your blog, but my first comment. I really like reading it.

Geohde said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry about "A". Your logic is good, but I understand how it would still hurt to lose one of your hard-won embryos.

I'm hoping for "B", really really hard.

xx

J

Schatzi said...

How bittersweet. I am sad for your loss of "A". I am glad, though, to hear "B" is growing like a champ. Hang in there.

ak1908 said...

I couldn't wait to get to your blog to read your update. I'm so sorry about your loss. I know personally how a time like this can be bittersweet- you're, of course, happy about the surviving twin while mourning the loss of the other. I was just there a few short months ago.

In terms of your surviving twin, take this time and send your little one positive thoughts of future survival. Take good care of yourself and again, I'm sorry for your loss.

((((((HUGS))))))

Elizabeth said...

So sorry for your loss of twin A

Beagle said...

I'm sorry for your loss of twin A. Fingers still crossed here for B.

Changing Expectations said...

I am so sorry to hear about twin A. You have been through so much. I am glad that it is positive news about Twin B. Thinking so much about you.

Chili said...

I'm very sorry Bea.

Bumble said...

Bea, I'm so sorry about the little one you lost, but I'm going to keep all hope that your second bub only goes from strength to strength. PS, what a goshdarncutie he/she is by the way!!!

Feebee said...

So sorry about Twin A. I hope everything continues to go well with Twin B.

Piccinigirl said...

I'm very sorry Bea. I will be thinking of you and Twin B, but my heart is so sad for you losing Twin A.

The Town Criers said...

I am so sorry about Twin A. If you want to talk off-blog, write me. And sending very good thoughts to Twin B.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Feeling for you, dear Bea, and wishing you peace.

Lut C. said...

Gratefulness is not a feeling you need to worry about on a day like this. I'm sorry for your loss.

Mel said...

I am so so sorry that you lost on of the twins.
I hope and hope and hope and pray that all goes well. You both deserve a happy ending.
take care
HUGS
Mel

Tam said...

I am so sorry to hear about twin A. Praying for little twin B to carry on growing and become that baby that you have been waiting for.

Jenna said...

Oh sweets, I'm so terribly sorry. I am just seeing this now and my stomach is turning on itself. I don't have anything to offer at this moment except my support.... and some nice raffle prizes.
It's a good thing I'm not in charge of pulling the winner, or I'd probably illegally stack the deck in your favor. You deserve some happiness hun. My fingers are crossed that it comes in the form of Twin B.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I am really really sorry to hear about Twin A. I truly hope that Twin B stays strong!

xoxo

Portia P said...

Oh Bea, i'm so sorry.

I'm glad though that Twin B is still growing and i hope they continue to.

Thinking of you xx

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about the loss of Twin A. Hope I hope twin B goes from strength to strength. Take care. K

soralis said...

So sorry about your loss. Glad to hear that B is doing well. Take care and wishing you the best

Mands said...

I am so sorry for your loss Bea. I am praying and hoping for Twin B to hang on and stay strong.
I really can't wait for the day that this pregnancy not so much a stress so that you can enjoy your journey into motherhood.

GLouise said...

Oh dear Bea. I am so sorry about Twin A. Thinking of you during this time, and praying for B's continued growth and health.

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I really hope Baby B hangs on for the long haul. I will be thinking of you and sending lots of good vibes your way. XOXO

niobe said...

I'm so sorry. No-one should be forced to endure the nightmare of losing a baby.

Dianne/Flutter said...

So sorry.

lori said...

i'm so sorry for your loss of twin A. i am very happy to read that twin B is doing well.

thinking of you and sending you positive vibes,
-lori

Tina said...

I am so sorry to hear about Twin A. I can't imagine having to mourn one loss while the other baby is still healthy and growing.

Will be praying Twin B stays snug as a bug.

Powered by Blogger.