I just want to say a few things first. The initial beta was normal, but not exactly inspiring. The doubling time was slow. There was spotting. There was a general paucity of reassuring pregnancy symptoms. The embryos were measuring behind at the last scan, there was only one heartbeat, and it was ok but not exactly pounding. I had some very logical reasons to be cautious about today's scan. I want to make this clear upfront because...

...we have two heartbeats now. Yes. Hereafter I shall be known not as Bea, but as Little Miss Pantsonfire.

Now. Before we all start getting ahead of ourselves like SOB, who confidently just told me, "You're having twins!" and thereby nearly provoked me into an attack wherein I grabbed him by the collar and, glaring into his face from mere inches away, screamed, "Might be! Possibly! There's a chance, providing all continues to go well! Damnit man, I am only just past seven weeks, and the betas, and the spotting, and the fact that whilst one twin seems to be catching up to where it should be in dates, the other twin is looking significantly smaller and has, if anything, fallen slightly further behind than it was last week, except for the whole heartbeating thing, of course, good grief, man, where do you get this boundless optimism!" - let me add a few cautionary notes, viz., well, see above. However, I have to admit, I have started to entertain the idea that we might end up with an actual, live baby out of this. That's right - I am entertaining Ideas now.

SOB finished the consult by telling me I didn't need to come back for a good couple of weeks, but shortened it to ten days when he observed the panicky look on my face, so I have another scan next Thursday.

Thankyou so much for continuing to check in and keep tabs on me. I hope it's not too hard.


60 Comments

Jules said...

I was going to email you but thought here was as good a place as any.

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I'm feeling different about your BFP than I usually do when I hear of one. Different in the sense I'm excited, joyed, happy & not even feeling any of that "why isn't it me".

I know I couldn't be as excited, stressed, calm, nervous, happy... as you & Mr Bea are, but there's something there.

I really hope & pray next Thursday's scan brings even better news than today & your little bubs have progressed more.

Lots of Love

Jules xoxoxo

Tam said...

I am so glad and also happy that you are "entertaining ideas" now. I am hoping that everything goes smoothly from here on out and that you get good news upon good news!!

Roll on next Thursday xxx

Caro said...

Two heartbeats is good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Nina said...

Me too fingers crossed. Excitedly awaiting next Thursday. Hugs, N

M said...

Ooh I'm kind of cautiously excited Miss POF - I'm not sure what to say apart for a quiet (yay!) x

Thalia said...

really really delighted to hear this. In 10 days you'll be able to see them differentiating into teddy-bear shapes, if all continues to go well. Let's hope they are both there and back on track.

Rachel Inbar said...

So glad to hear that you're starting to feel hopeful :-)

2 heartbeats is pretty exciting!

Vee said...

YAY ! for good news ! And 2 heartbeats woohoo!
I'm with Jules, excited joyed and happy for you both. Twins :)

Mands said...

No Bea, it's not hard at all. In fact, it bloody marvellous, and I feel the same way as Jules. You have a very special place in my heart, and I only wish I was there IRL to give you a big fat sincere hug of CONGRATULATIONS! I don't want to whisper here anymore, I want to shout it from the roof tops... that is, if you don't mind :-)

Jackie said...

I'm so pleased for you and Mr. Bea. I hope that you get more good news at the next scan in 10 days. How many injections is that from now?

Elizabeth said...

Wow! It's hard to get used to getting good news, huh?

Anonymous said...

Oh ... oh ... oh!!! I am very cautiously fricken optimistic for you! I so, so hope that this is it for you now. Fingers crossed for steadily growing and strong heartbeats. Congratulations Bea!!!!!
StellaNova (sorry, I can't sign in right now).

Beagle said...

Encouraging, very encouraging!

Hoping, hoping, hoping,
xo
B

serenity said...

Oh Bea. This is very good news. I very very cautiously optimistic for you.

A fat whispered congratulations!

Twisted Ovaries said...

I for one will keep popping in and keep hoping and hoping for you and am happy to find whatever god you like and ask for an appeal to just let the seas be smooth sailing for you, Bea.

Cibele said...

OMG bea!!!!!! I mean miss Pantsonfire LOL.... awesome news...hoping and praying that things keep going well

megan said...

this is very, very good news. i'm happy to hear this, and happy for you and mr. bea. (don't worry -- it's a cautious happy!). it's all still crossed for you over here.

Samantha said...

This sounds very encouraging! I know it must be hard to believe, given all you've been through... it's not hard to check up on you at all! Hears to having the good news continue!

Shelby said...

Wow, wow, wow!!! This is great!! I am crossing my fingers for you!!

Pamela Jeanne said...

You go, Little Miss Pantsonfire!

JJ said...

Yippee for Mr. and Mrs. Pantsonfire!=)

Dramalish said...

YES, it's hard!! What with the time difference and the waiting... sheesh!

Ahem.
Joke over.

Heartbeats. Heartbeats are fantastic, Bea. You've got all sorts of ideas dancing through my head. Long may they stay there.
:)

-D.

ultimatejourney said...

I'm so pleased to hear that things are moving in the right direction. I hope the good news just keeps on coming.

Carol said...

oh my goodness - that is such wonderful news. I am so happy that things are looking up for you.

ak1908 said...

I think CONGRATS are officially in order. Remember- you're visualizing what you want to happen, not what you don't want to happen.

I couldn't wait to get on today and find out about your update! I know that you're not in the clear just yet, but darn it- you deserve a little celebration. Embrace this pregnancy and love it for where it is at this point. It sounds like you've got some pretty determined fighters in there!!!!!

Again, congrats!!!!!

Amanda said...

I am so excited for you! I am so optimistic that things will work out for you! I'm thinking and praying beautiful healthy twins! yay!!!

<3

Carrie said...

Two heartbeats, I'm so pleased for you.

I hope the wait until the next scan isn't too bad and it all gets a little easier from now on ;-)

Delenn said...

I'm going to keep being cautiously optimistic for you!

Schatzi said...

Little Miss Pantsonfire, indeed:-). Congrats on a fab scan. Here's hoping you continue to get good news.

Jess said...

Oh my gosh, Ms. Pantsonfire. :) What exciting news. Two heartbeats is wonderful!! And that the one is definitely starting to catch up and not lagging more is EXTRA wonderful.

You know what, things could work out. You never know.

Hoping and praying for the little ones, and you and Mr. Bea's sanity.

Sunny Jenny said...

Well Little Miss Pantsonfire, that is exceptional news! I am crossing my fingers and hoping both of them make it! I'll be checking back regularly!

Hopeful Mother said...

Going to keeping hoping and praying for this IDEA to stay at the front of your mind.

Thinking of you!

Karaoke Diva said...

Wow, Bea! I didn't realize how close our times are. I'm 7w4d today and I'm also just starting to entertain the idea of an actual pregnancy and birth.

I'm so happy for you and wishing us both continued success!

Isabel said...

Hang tough. I know it's beyond stressful and exciting: I'm hoping for a great pregnancy for you.

Geohde said...

Mz Bea,

When, ok 'if' but I'm hoping, this child/ren get/s to adolescence embarass them as much as they can to make up for all the stress now!

xx

J

Lut C. said...

That's an impressive amount of restraint you showed towards the SOB!

I'm very, very pleased to read you received such encouraging news.
May things progress smoothly from here!

My Reality said...

The only way it would be hard for me to come here would be if things didn't turn out.

It is your turn, Bea. Nothing better go wrong.

I am hoping for you and the little ones.

My Reality said...

The only way it would be hard for me to come here would be if things didn't turn out.

It is your turn, Bea. Nothing better go wrong.

I am hoping for you and the little ones.

Anonymous said...

Hi Beau- so happy for you. As I said before you have every right to be neurotic as you like so don't even apologise. Congratulations and I hope despite feeling terrified you're able to enjoy this just a little bit. Scan to your hearts content- I think it's important to keep the panic in check.I was exactly the same.
K

Sarah said...

HURRAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (unabashedly cheezy joy)

i always suspected you had some fire in your pants!

mary ellen said...

Fingers and toes are crossed honey. Hang in there.

bethkyle said...

ha ha! pants on fire! ha ha!

(I am glad you are starting to become hopeful!)

The Town Criers said...

Yessssssssssssssssssssss :-) That's really happy news.

And though every person and pregnancy is unique and the experience of one person does not dictate the experience of another and yadda yadda yadda, Karen from My Perky Ovaries also had a similar start in terms of the size et al and now she is about to deliver the triplets. Sometimes the slow start yields beautiful results.

Aurelia said...

Holy crap!

I'm so happy for you, and so shocked L'il Miss Pantsonfire!!!

Keep shooting up that heparin, and if all goes according to plan, I just might be joining you. (I can't believe I just typed that....)

Chili said...

That's very promising news! Congrats on two good heartbeats!

TeamWinks said...

Sounds like a logical reaction to me! I'm pulling for you Bea!

AshPash said...

Two heartbeats...what magical news. Wishing you continued good news!!

Piccinigirl said...

OMG, my vacation took me from all the news, but I was thinking of you the whole time...and TWINS, I am so excited for you. I know how it feels for sure.
The whole thing is a rollercoaster that never slows down, but for right now , for today, you're on the ride with 2 passengers and I for one am so HAPPY for you and Mr Bea.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I am holding my breath that everything works out well!!! It must be hard to balance your emotions right now!!

XOXOXO

topcat said...

Just want to say I hope you'e feeling good, and the passengers just keep growing. Thinking of you.

Mel said...

I really hope this is the one Bea. I am hoping so badly for you.
Sorry I haven't been commenting but I have been reading and praying and hoping.
take care
(((HUGS)))

soralis said...

Good luck next Thursday... grow grow grow

Jen said...

Yay! Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly now!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I've been crazy at work and home so haven't logged on in a few days. I can't believe I missed this!! I'm hoping that things go well at the next scan.

Matthew M. F. Miller said...

I'm beyond excited for those heartbeats. What a joy. You are giving me personal strength at a time I need it most.

Sending you a ton of positive thoughts.

Jenna said...

It's good to think optimistically... at least that's what I'm told. I've never actually done it myself, but like I said, I've heard it's not as painful as we'd think.

I haven't fully bought into this theory, but I'd love it if you could try it out and let me know.

SaraS-P said...

I am cautiously optimistic for both of your embryos. Come on, guys, lets grow and thrive, ok?

Changing Expectations said...

Bea, I am glad that you are "entertaining"! 2 heartbeats is great. I am hoping that the next scan goes well. Fingers and toes are crossed.

GLouise said...

Oh man, what a rollercoaster. Thinking of you!

KarenO said...

Oh man I'm so happy for you - and no it's not hard to read about your success at all - you sooooo deserve it! Take care of yourself and those 2 little ones :)

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