First, a random thing: last night, Thalia came to me in a dream and told me I should enjoy more coffee. I obviously blog too much.

Secondly: beta the fourth is still pending. I decided to have it marked "non-urgent" this time - should be back by tomorrow. Curiously, having my blood drawn was just as soothing as it usually is, despite the lack of results. The act of having a sample taken, even though I hate blood samples so much I have only recently learnt to sit through them without fainting on the floor, seems to lower my stress levels independently of any gain in either a) reassurance from knowing things are going well, or b) ability to take action if they aren't. Did I mention Thalia appeared to me in a dream to bring me a message about coffee? It's possible I may be slightly unhinged.

--

I remember being... younger, I don't know, probably about twelve or thirteen, and seeing a brochure for an adults-only resort holiday. "That's terrible!" I protested to my mother. "What sort of people dislike kids so much they'd create an adults-only resort? I mean, that excludes the adults who have kids to look after as well!"

In her wisdom, my mother replied, "Your father and I love you dearly, but not everyone wants to see children and families around all the time. Good people, too."

I don't think I really understood until the infertility.

Just before I left for our latest cycle, I was invited to join a google group for young, childless expats living in Singapore. "We don't have an age limit," the recruiting member assured us, looking around the table at a group of maybe four or five. "To us, age is a state of mind. And it's not that we hate kids, or parents - in fact some of our members have had babies since they joined and of course we still let them come along - but we want to be able to go out and have fun without any talk of babysitting or nappies."

"Sounds nice," said the mother in the conversation, assuming that long-suffering face parents are so fond of displaying. On this occasion, however, it was ignored.

"It just seemed there were a lot of mothers' groups around, but nothing similar for non-mothers," Recruiting Member concluded.

So I said I was game, and I've even dropped in to a couple of events. It's nice. A safe place for an infertile. And, though my thirteen-year-old self may have found this surprising, the women aren't awful people at all.

Just this week, one of them sent out a request to the group for sponsorship. She's running to raise money for a hospice. It's a perfect good deed for us both.

---
News just in (beta the fourth): apparently it's "good" and also "fine". The nurse offered to read me the number, and for some reason, today, I just didn't want it. Heartbeat scan Monday.

Mr Bea just emailed me back about the beta asking what I've done with his wife.


34 Comments

Caro said...

Great news.

Vee said...

Excellent news !
Your strength is amazing.

I like the sound of the group.

Rachel Inbar said...

So so so so SO happy :-)
May the good news continue!

Nica said...

YAY! The entire LMN household joins me in the YAY-ing.

:)

serenity said...

Great news, Bea!

Fingers crossed for a good scan on Monday.

I had a dream about DD one time, where she and I were actually talking about work.

And last night I dreamt of Amy at Inconceivable, where I was waiting with her before she went in for her scheduled C-section (which is scheduled for tomorrow).

Often I wake up wondering if I am coming unhinged. So you're not alone.

Meg said...

Great, Bea! x

Smart move with the "not-getting-the-number" business... Strong woman, you are. Very mental health conscious of you.

Beagle said...

Good and fine . . . we'll take it!

I'd like a group like that too.

Fingers crossed for Monday now . . .

Geohde said...

What else can I say but, damn, I hope that that heartbeat scan is good news.

You *really* deserve it.

TeamWinks said...

You're killing me Bea! I won't be around to learn how the scan goes, and my husband might think I'm nuts if I call just before boarding the boat to ask how your scan went. So, all I can say is that I hope it goes well, and I'll catch up with you when I get back. Good luck!

megan said...

i'm so glad to hear that beta the fourth is good and fine. this is good news.
it's all crossed for the scan on monday, bea. i'll be thinking of you.

Sunny Jenny said...

Excellent news! Hang on until the ultra sound!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Great news! Good is good enough.

soralis said...

Great news! Good luck

Pamela Jeanne said...

Really glad that the scan results continue to be positive!!

As for the childfree group, I do to wonder what causes some to assume that it translates to childhater. What's the root of that assumption? Couldn't be farther from the truth. Sometimes looking at the adorable little faces just evokes to much pain. And having a safe place where babytalk is not likely to occur provides some peace of mind.

Samantha said...

All right!! I'm glad that the beta is not only moving up but is "fine."!

Adrienne said...

Fantastic news, Bea. One step at a time, one step at a time.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

That is awesome news Bea!

Delenn said...

Great News! Keeping you in my thoughts!

Thalia said...

Ha! so impressed that I appear in your subconscious. YOu must REALLY want coffee. Funny, I dreamt about vanessa and her twins last night.

Glad to hear the beta is 'fine'. Everything crossed for Monday.

Tam said...

Really really good news. Hoping that mondays scan brings you a big smile! Funny Mr Bea!!

Chris said...

I hope the rest of this week and the early part of next passes quickly!

Schatzi said...

Yippeee! "good" and "fine" sound... well... great! On to Monday...

The Town Criers said...

Ha! Where is Bea? Drinking coffee with Thalia?

I'm glad the numbers have come back fine and I'm sending good thoughts for Monday.

Lut C. said...

What happens when the no longer childfree who tag along start taking about babysitting and nappies? Is the next round of drinks on them? I'm just wondering.
It does sound like a great initiative.

Good and fine, the perfect description for a beta!

M said...

I'm with Mr Bea - who are you and what have you done with our Bea?

Seriously though - I would have done the same as you. What's done is done, and here's hoping that Monday shows you what you desire the most.

infertility just sucks said...

A non-mother's group - I love it!

Sometimes it's hard to find new female friends without blurting out "I AM HAVING A HARD TIME HAVING CHILDREN SO DON'T TALK ABOUT YOURS OK?"

Many people find that socially unacceptable. *Sigh* :)

(And YAY! for the 4th beta!)

My Reality said...

Good and fine is great news.

Much luck being sent your way for the scan on Monday.

Changing Expectations said...

I am so glad that you got good news today. Fingers are crossed for Mondays scan.

Sarah said...

huge smile for you right now. loads of good vibes for monday.

Chili said...

Great news! Will be thinking of you throughout the weekend and Monday!

KarenO said...

Wow! I'm gone from the blogosphere for about 10 days and look what happened - congratulations!! I'll be praying for you and your little one - may the heartbeat grow stronger every day so it will greet you with a steady hello mom beat on Monday :) Thanks for your comment on my blog, I really appreciate it!

millie said...

So glad to hear the good news just keeps a coming and a coming.

Jess said...

Very hopeful for you, Bea! Exciting!

Your strength IS amazing, Vee is right!!

Waiting with bated breath.

Mands said...

That is wonderful news Bea. Hoping for for a good strong heartbeat on Monday.
Please don't leave us hanging :-)

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