I have come to this conclusion: IVF is an emotionally traumatic experience. I know, but wait, I have more. No matter what the outcome of a cycle, it is bound to be followed by a sort of mini-nervous-breakdown lasting a few days to a week. If the pregnancy test is negative, this breakdown will happen immediately. If the pregnancy test is positive, the breakdown will be delayed several days. Either way, it will happen.

I don't believe things are fine in there. They may be, for all I know, but I don't believe it. Nevertheless, I am feeling fairly calm about stuff, and am content to wait til the next scan on Monday. I have finished with my inevitable post-cycle breakdown, you see.

I still wish I had pregnancy signs. There's something very self-indulgent about this, but I do want that fleeting bit of morning sickness back. I'm over the boob veininess - it's so 14dpo. I want something more up to date, more now; something that says, "Going on seven weeks," in bright, bold colours. And any time the spotting wants to stop, that would be just fine, too.

But I will wait, and I will do my good deed (carbon credits - haven't bought any for either of our flights yet) and I will continue ticking off the injections one by one (y'all clicked over to IVF Shootemup and perused the entire site minutely until you found my clexane video buried deep down in there somewhere, right?) until the next scan comes around - whatever news that brings. I have exited the breakdown phase and entered the Hum Drum. Long may it last.


18 Comments

Thalia said...

I think it's an extraordinarily impressive achievement that you've already entered the hum drum phase. I don't remember that ever being something I achieved, either way. Maybe hum drum moments, but not a whole phase.

Hoping for you for Monday.

Nica said...

THANK YOU for the shoot em up videos. MUCH BETTER than army videos.

And I'M GLAD things are going well. It is early yet -- it's okay.

all the best

Vee said...

I am glad yo are feeling calm, well fairly calm. I wish there was more you could do other than wait.

Nice job on the clexane video, I was cringing all the way though. I don't think I could handle the slow injecting I would want it over with asap ! But if it helps with the bruising....

Pamela Jeanne said...

I'm putting myself in your shoes and seeing how maddening it would be not to have assurances present themselves over and over. That's the collateral damage of IF, it robs us of those carefree, gee whiz I'm pregnant feelings. We want hard evidence!!

serenity said...

I'm with Thalia - I'm not sure I've BEEN in a hum drum phase, so kudos to you for being there now.

And the phrase "so 14dpo" made me laugh.

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and hoping like hell that Monday gives you good news.

Sarah said...

yes, yes and yes, 100% yes! hum drum, of course, being a highly relative term.

Samantha said...

Hope the respite from breakdown lasts at least until your next scan! (I'd also wish on you morning sickness, but I'm not sure how much you really should want that.)

megan said...

it's so great that you've organized all of those videos. what a great resource.

i hope you're in the hum drum phase for a long time to come... i hope there's nothing but good, affirming news on Monday.

Jess said...

Sounds like you're keeping it together well.

Seems like Monday will never get here for ME...can't imagine how you're feeling! Hat's off to you, dear.

Prayers and hope.

Portia P said...

Glad you're past your breakdown.

Hoping Monday brings good news!

Wll check out the vids

xx

Cibele said...

well said... it is stressful no matter what. Hoping and prayign for the best outcome possible on Monday, Hang in there

Lut C. said...

Believing in a good outcome, that's one of the hardest things.

I'm glad to hear your feeling relatively calm though. Better that then complete stressed out, because time moves just as fast/slow regardless.

Wishing you the best for Monday!

Geohde said...

You're one tough lady!

I hope that you get good news soon, although I understand that the previous scan did not exactly come under the category of 'reassuring'.

xx

J

My Reality said...

You are right, IVF is a traumatic thing to go through emotionally. So is all of the drama you have had to face.

I hope you can keep your sense of calm.

The Momcaster said...

i really do hope everything works out and the waiting just flies by. take care!

soralis said...

Hang in there, hope it all goes well next week.

Changing Expectations said...

I hope that all goes well on Monday.

I love the so 14dpo...so funny.

Anonymous said...

Good luck for tomorrow Bea. Thinking of you.
K

Powered by Blogger.