I am not keeping up with life very well just at the moment. I was just about at my limit of business and then I got sidetracked with the whole pet-related tragedy and it all fell apart. I'm also officially in physical discomfort as of today, and just kind of tired and drained, which is making it a little harder to put it all back together. Thanks for all your comments. I'm fine, I'm just spread a bit thin.

Here is the post I wrote between this and the update to it. Mr Bea gets in tonight (or should I say very, very early tomorrow?). And not before time.

--
Unsaid

Sometimes we say more when we stop speaking. When FS first said ICSI, I said donor insemination. "I have a family history of breast cancer," I told Mr Bea, using my trademark rationality. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to be shooting up hormones."

"No..." he replied. "I guess not. But I'd rather adopt than use donor sperm."

"Pregnancy and breastfeeding will decrease my cancer risk."

He nodded mutely.

--

I'm not sure how the following conversation happened. It was just after our first appointment with MD. One moment I was announcing my intention to do another IVF/ICSI, and the next Mr Bea was saying, "I should have made you eat more chicken."

"What?"

"Protein. You wouldn't have been so sick if you'd eaten a high-protein diet."

"But I did! All those protein shakes! I ate nothing but protein!"

"You ate hardly anything at all."

"I ate as much as I could. The OHSS killed my appetite."

"I should have made you eat more. And I should have taken you to the hospital earlier."

"They wouldn't have admitted me earlier. We went to the hospital the very moment I was sick enough to need to go to hospital. It was all under control."

"It wasn't under control. I hardly knew anything about OHSS."

"But I-"

"I shouldn't have let you get so sick!"

For a moment I stopped and stared at him. Then as I drew breath to reply, he turned and left the room.

--

How many entendres does it take to screw in a lightbulb? "It's rumoured," I said to Mr Bea, as we snuggled into bed on the night of the FS appointment which confirmed IVF/ICSI#2, "that frequent ejaculation helps improve the DNA integrity of the sperm for IVF."

"Frequent meaning...?"

"Daily."

"Sounds like hard work." We eyed each other warily for a moment, circling the innuendo.

"Don't worry, I'll give you a hand."

"Uhuh." He shook his head dismissively. "I guess that's fine."

"So you're up for it?"

"I don't have a response to that."

"I could give you one."

"Be quiet! You talk a lot..."

...

.


14 Comments

Aurelia said...

Frequent?

Are you up for it?

Sorry, small snickering over here!

I am impressed with how he wants to protect you. Even though it was all okay in the end, he's scared of the risk, and wants to take care of you somehow. What an awesome guy.

Sarah said...

there is so much more going on under the surface here, ms rational. i hope when mr bea arrives things feel a little more together and kept up with.

My Reality said...

I hope having Mr. B by your side will make this all easier.

We got the frequent ejaculation speech as well. In the beginning, it was fun, now it is just a chore!

Samantha said...

It's interesting the remembering the small snippets of our reactions to IF treatment. These serve to remind us of the lack of control. If only eating chicken would have prevented OHSS!

I hope this will all go smoothly.

The Town Criers said...

It's true--not only where the conversation ends but also the unspoken words that stand directly behind the words. Mr. Bea loves you very much and was scared shitless for a moment...

Lut C. said...

Mr. Bea to the rescue! I can believe you're looking forward to his arrival.

Geohde said...

Daily efforts are bloody exhausting! We've tried that one for the fertile times for the last nearly 12 months. I can safely conclude that, yes, it is possible to become entrely sick of sex.

megan said...

glad to hear that Mr. Bea will be with you soon...

Vee said...

Aaaw what a sweetie Mr Bea is.
It is difficult to comprehend how much IF is out of our control.

I hope it all gets easier for you and Mr bea has had a safe trip into your arms.

Imogen and David said...

Mr Bea sounds lovely. Welcome home.

Changing Expectations said...

These types of conversations are usually unfinished in my house.

Sounds like Mr. Bea is a great guy. Sounds like some frequent fun is on the docket.

MLO said...

Here's to innuendo laden conversations in marriage! (Here, I thought we were the only ones.)

Mr. Bea wants to help you as much as he can - and his comment about protein? Well, I know I ended up with pneumonia once because I wasn't getting enough protein... But I'm not so sure it is relevant in your particular case.

Our DHs can bring both joys and tribulations. As we can to them.

Pax,

MLO

Pamela Jeanne said...

This is brilliant.

GLouise said...

Love the post, and I think I heart Mr. B.

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