I wasn't going to check back on the embryos, but the scientist rung me this afternoon to let me know only two went into the freezer. I think I was happier with three, maybe four.

Keep in mind we've had a very poor thaw rate in the past. Apart from the fact I'm having to adjust my expectations from "one, maybe two FETs" down to "hopefully one FET", I just... hell I'm going to say it, even if it does sound like something I should be over by now - I resent the fact I had to get stabbed in the ovaries sixteen times for just four embryos. Sorry, hopefully four embryos, actual number pending thaw. Hell, I guess I resent being stabbed at all.

In the end, of course, I don't give a fuck how many eggs, or embryos, or frosties we get - I just want results. Ten fingers, ten toes. And now I come to write that down, I'm getting pretty negotiable on those numbers, too. It's just my first thought this morning was, "What the fuck kind of rashness made me transfer two top-grade embryos at once?" - because, obviously, the only thing keeping every single last one of our embryos from implanting so far has been OHSS and clexane deficiency - whereas this evening, with our FET buffer unexpectedly low, I'm thinking, "Great. Next stim has been moved up to October. Just great."

And to make matters worse, Mel, I love your work, but I've had What The Gardener Knows stuck in my head for over a week now, and it's starting to drive me absolutely freaking batshit insane. Ok! I want to share the not-yet flower! I've expressed that!

When all's said and done, this is just the usual two week wait nonsense, plus a sullenness born of having to adjust my expectations downwards once again.

When do I get to adjust them up?


--
Oh, right. Deed. Bought chocolates for Beloved Dog's vets/nurses. That's ex-vets/nurses. Or possibly ex-dog?

Fifty Good Deeds Fund at $102.60. Sorry - $102.60!!! I'll have to do up a poll on how you want the funds disbursed for next week. Suggestions welcome meanwhile.


17 Comments

Vee said...

I am still feeling very positive about this cycle for you....but.... I totally understand wanting more, I would feel the same way.

I think Mel should market that song, it is very catchy. :)

Samantha said...

I felt more than a little disappointed at my last IVF result with the embryo to egg ratio, so I know where you're coming from. But it's quality, not quantity we want right?

I totally agree with you about Mel's song. The moment I read it in your blog, it's now back in my head! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Good luck. Four was my lucky number on stim number 6. Four good ones is much better than lots of ordinary embies. I know- positivity sucks sometimes so shoot me. Hope this one is the one.
K

serenity said...

You know because you read my blog, but I was also disappointed by our fertilization rate and amount of embryos we were able to freeze - out of 11 we ended up with 4. Two in my ute, two in the freezer.

So you're not alone. Really what you need is one good one to stick in there.

God, Bea, I hope this is it for you.

Beagle said...

The whole progression of it seems to lead to downwardly moblile expectations. I remember it all too well. The build up of follie counts, the build up of eggs retrieved . . .

But you said it in your post: what matters most is the end result. And we're all here hoping it's one (or two) gorgeous little RLB's (real live baby).

Good Luck . . . and go buy yourself some chocolates too, (or some other 2ww friendly treat) you deserve it!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I really hope at least one of those great embryos stick! I agree with Beagle-go get yourself some chocolate!

Pamela Jeanne said...

Numbers are funny things. Here's a story to illustrate. In one IVF I had nine eggs, seven fertilized, three went to transfer and two were frozen. My bed mate had two eggs retrieved only. I learned later from the nurse she got pregnant. I didn't. It *is* about the results my friend. Wishing you the best.

Heather said...

I have lots of hope for this cycle for you guys...

soralis said...

Hoping for you.

Thalia said...

Sounds like your clinic is pretty careful what they freeze, which in the end is a good thing. You might find the thaw rate is better for this batch given you didn't get OHSS etc.

HOpefully you won't need them, at least not for a couple of years. Fingers crossed.

Btw I clicked on some links to make the funds go up. Do you know why you've got so many christian "gd healed my womb" type stories?

steph said...

Can I be 'that girl' and say 2 is better then none? Coming from the none side of things, I suppose I will go ahead and leave it all there in print instead of hitting the backspace button at this time (0:

Not that anyone else will find the humor, but at one point I tried to negotiate with the powers that be that 9 toes would be perfectly acceptable, too. Just as long as they weren't all on the same foot.

Lut C. said...

Needing to think of plan B (or whatever letter you're on by now) is bad enough, having to adjust it downwards is downright terrible.

I really, really hope you get a breathtakingly good surprise soon.

Mary Ellen said...

I hear you on the lack of good embryos. I always wanted more too. Good luck Bea. I hope you don't have to worry about what's in the freezer for a very very long time.

Geohde said...

It is such a numbers game, huh?

I hope that this cycle pans out for you, number of frosties regardless.

My Reality said...

I hope that the FET will be entirely unnecessary.

Then it won't matter how many are on ice.

Bumble said...

I know you're disappointed Bea, but the two you have snug inside sound really great and maybe those will be all you need. Your other 2 frosties might only be needed in a year or two when you're looking at the next addition to the Bea clan... It can work! Hang in there okay x

Jess said...

I hope you don't even NEED the FET. Not for the forseeable future, at least.

I hear you on the terrible thaw rates....I am an overproducer and get lots of eggs, lots of beatiful embies, and then thaws always suck. I wonder, because I always seem darnclose to OHSS (I've almost been cancelled before)...so maybe your thaw rates before were bad because of that? And maybe that means if you DO need the FET, you'll have better luck?

Hopefully.

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