You've assured me my standards are fine, but I think I still have a fault and it's this: my expectations are crazy. As a consequence I'm caught in an ever-dwindling spiral. You see, I place far too much importance on my own ability to read people - I expect them to respond as I think they'll respond. I choose the one or two friends I "know" won't let me down, place all my emotional eggs in their basket, and fall to pieces when that basket goes crashing all over the floor, sending the contents flying. Then I become even more guarded and selective, and the spiral continues. Because sadly, and as many of you confirmed, it's often the people from whom we expect the most that we gain the least.

But many of you also said this: sometimes it's the people from whom we expect the least that we gain the most. And where are those people in my life? Locked out - that's where. Locked outside in Good Friend Hurt Me So I'm Certainly Not Risking It With You Land, figuring they might as well trudge slowly away. What a warm, trusting, and optimistic soul I am.

The other thing you've confirmed to me is this: Category One friends are hard to come by. But this is also true: Category Two friends are still fine. Maybe they're not gold, but you can buy a lot with silver if you get enough of it together, and whilst I agree with Karen O that you can't substitute endlessly (no amount of Category Eight friends can make up for someone special) perhaps four or six Category Two friends is enough to be getting on with for practical purposes.

Whatever way you like to think of it, the conclusion is this: instinct says withdraw, but logic says open up.

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The wisdom of the internets:
Full text available in the comments. All the responses were so thoughtful and helpful, but I wanted to pick out these parts.

Baby Blues: "Opening up about infertility... puts our heart out there, vulnerable and easily hurt. And when you don't get the reaction that you're expecting, it hurts the most!"

My Reality: "I have no regrets about telling people that we are infertile. [...] I have found that most people have been great in supporting me."

Carrie: "...now I feel like I know what her friendship limitations are, and that's great, because I know not to rely on her too much. [...] Some people...are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they just disappear."

Mary Ellen and Steve: "True friends are hard to find."

Karen O: "If having high standards mean fewer friends, it also means there wouldn't be a lot of drop-out friends..."

Megan: "I had a surprising experience last friday with a friend i know through my profession. [...] He said all of the right things at all of the right times. [...] Having just experienced a loss, i'm finding that i'm telling all of my friends about it. it's almost like a weeding process."

Karaoke Diva: "I have yet to find a real true friend who can handle everything I have to give."

Mel: "...a true friend [...] asks how you are even when you tell them you are sick of people asking how you are(they know you don't really mean it)."

Ultimatejourney: "I've been VERY guarded about who I share our story with. I've probably missed the opportunity to gain closeness with some people, but I've also avoided a lot of the pain."

Aurelia: "...Some of the most awful ones I later discovered were people who had their own fertility problems, which they had never resolved or dealt with emotionally."

Melissa: "I do think when people know (and they say they're our friend), they owe us to be there in bad times as well as good."

Sarah: "It's weird what i've found about my friends."

Samantha: "I forgave her, but our friendship was never the same."

Serenity: "...over the years I've found that people are mostly self-absorbed. And they rarely realize that other people's problems are bigger than themselves."

Beagle: "...when life is running along smoothly, we never find out who [true friends] are [...] It's not you. It's just one of life's harder facts that not all relationships can weather a storm."

Somewhat Ordinary: "The one friendship that I've actually dissovled is a very self-absorbed person... It is her total lack of caring to even remember what I tell her that has forced me to stop returning her calls and e-mails."

Caro: "I'm beginning to put myself out there and the friends I have told are getting better at checking on me every so often."

Vee: "I think every one is at a different stage of their life whether they are still partying, or married or have families etc. So our interest are at different levels, but in the end I think they will be friends but we will just reach that point at a different time...."

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(Apparently those weren't my final thoughts after all. Lots of new thoughts being mulled over. Post/s coming. Discussion going on elsewhere in the meantime.)