1. You know that extra boost of confidence and certain "feelgood" factor you get from wearing your fancy pants? You know - the expensive lacy ones with the matching bra? Well, feel free to go for that on lap day, but make sure you take along some wet wipes and a substantial pad for afterwards, especially if they're cream or white in colour.

2. If your mum says it's no trouble to remove all the craft supplies from on top of your old bed, or if your sister offers you hers because she's staying at the boy's house tonight - even though she didn't clarify whether or not this offer extended to the dog - don't decide to doss down on a mattress on the floor somewhere. Trust me. You'll find out when you have to stand all that way up in the morning.

3. The following are, to a greater or lesser degree, acceptable recovery viewing: How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, Hitch, Lucky Break, Chain Of Fools, Tin Men, Ocean's Twelve, Human Nature, The Big Lebowski.

4. If you get a feeling, on leaving your your parents' house to return home, of having left something important behind - check your toothbrush. Toothbrush, my dear.

5. If they find nothing wrong, that's good. It's just good.

6. Having laparoscopies doesn't make your tax return or removalists' insurance evaluation paperwork go away.