That's what Mr Bea said they were. One day at a time and all that. He didn't want to talk about our maybe January baby. About how uncomfortable it will be being maybe heavily pregnant over next summer. How we maybe will buy a children's wading pool for the back deck, or maybe get an invitation from our nice neighbour to use their full-sized, inground version.

But how much better it will be than last summer, when we found out about another failed cycle on Christmas Day. Again. When we knew, having failed, the next step would be IVF. When we were scared, and unable to take control by contacting the clinic, because the clinic was closed. When we left the family gathering early, because we were emotionally exhausted.

One day at a time. Because who knows what may be? On Christmas Day 2006 I may be that expectant mother, or I may be coming to be end of another negative cycle. Again. Only this time we will know that even IVF has failed, and how then will we try to take control?


3 Comments

snowhite said...

Hi Bea,

I think we have 'met' on EB.

Your stories tell the tale of our lives - they are stories that run through my mind every day it's just that I have never been able to find the words to tell them . I am so grateful that you have.

Take care.

Bea said...

Hey, snowhite. Wow, my first real commentor - I'm really glad you took the time to write your message. It means a lot.

The Town Criers said...

Mr. Bea is wrong :-) They're not destructive--they're the fantasies that give you the energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you didn't dream like that, how could you ever find the inner strength to put yourself through what you need to put yourself through? But you should blog about this again.

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