The trouble with infertility is that it's defined as not having children. And everyone on earth has not had children at some point in their lives. So when people think of infertility, they think, "I used to not have children. It wasn't so bad."

***


I had planned to post something more lighthearted today. I had things on my mind - thoughts on having a boy vs a girl, a maternity shopping report, but the truth is my worry over Monday's measurements has eclipsed everything else. I guess that's the other trouble with infertility. It cultivates unhappy expectations.

Last night I told Mr Bea I was thinking of getting another scan done sometime over the next two weeks, and he angrily dismissed my fears. The argument ended when I walked out, suggesting he should just forget the whole conversation and go play on his computer. Several hours later he came up to me in the kitchen. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just really don't want anything to be wrong."

The fact I burst into tears at that point would be more significant if, earlier in the week, I hadn't cried over such thoughts as that millions of people throughout history have lived and died without ever tasting a rose petal and hazelnut steamer*, but I think these tears had something in them.

I'm still deciding about the extra appointment. It's useless, but that's never stopped me before.

--
*Don't be one of them.


26 Comments

Caro said...

Mr Caro tends to try and avoid worry by dismissing it sometimes too. Good luck with your decision.

Rachel Inbar said...

Oh Bea... remember that most people had healthy babies even before ultrasounds were invented. My mom says it was much easier back then, you didn't have so many things to worry about...

I honestly believe everything's fine with your little one & therefore I'm in favor of the extra appointment - it will let you stop worrying now rather than continuing to worry for another month.

Thinking of you!

Karaoke Diva said...

If it sets your mind at ease, just do it. But if it won't give you any more info than the last scan, then try to hold out until the detailed scan. Or see if the doc will move up your detailed scan. I'm having mine at 18 weeks and I have a lot more *ahem* "extra tissue" between the wand and the baby so you should have no problem, Slenderina!

I've got you guys in my thoughts and I'm hoping that your little guy/girl is just a late bloomer. :-)

Karaoke Diva said...

I blame baby brain. I totally forgot we already know it's a boy. Please excuse my faulty memory!

Nica said...

It's not useless if it makes you feel better. Which it does, so it's needed.

Congrats on Boy Baby Bea.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Once infertile, always infertile. Those innocent days of letting nature take its course without the menacing clouds overhead full of what ifs just don't exist once you've seen the dark side. Sorry you've been feeling so anxious and angst-ridden. You so deserve to relax and enjoy your pregnancy...

botheration said...

Would you have a copyright issue if I took the first three sentences of this post and get them tattooed on my face?

I lurk here quite often to remember that infertile people get pregnant. I advocate the every-test-known-to-man approach. Like nica said, if it makes you feel better...

Vee said...

I have to agree with the others. If it makes you feel better that just do it.

I have good feelings though.

The Town Criers said...

This is how I see the appointment: if it yields no info, you're still in the same space. But if it yields good info, it will put your mind at ease. Can they fit you in two weeks after the last appointment?

Aurelia said...

If it makes you feel better, then do it. Detailed scans are done here at 18 weeks, not earlier, but not later, so it won't hurt anyone to look right?

At minimum, your doctor can answer some more questions, and that just may do the trick for you mood-wise.

Schatzi said...

"The trouble with infertility is that it's defined as not having children. And everyone on earth has not had children at some point in their lives. So when people think of infertility, they think, "I used to not have children. It wasn't so bad."

This is soooo true. Brilliant.
Good luck on your decision... I hope you find some relief from the anxiety soon.

My Reality said...

I say do it.

Your first paragraph is brilliant.

Barb said...

Lots of good wishes for you. I'm so sorry we have to have such a heavy burden of knowledge and experience to make pregnancy so scary.

Jess said...

What is a rose petal and hazlenut steamer, exactly?

The hubby here is totally immune (or so it seems) to worry as well. So it's not just your hubby who acts like that.

I'd go for the scan. ALL the scans are really useless after all. They're mostly for peace of mind, and if it helps, and you can get it, go for it.

Bea said...

Jess - I was waiting for someone to ask me that.

The rose petal steamer is a cup of steamed milk with rose petals on the top. I think there may also be a drop of rosewater in there, but I'm not sure. You can add a shot of hazelnut syrup (or other flavour - vanilla and almond are popular) if you like.

Bea

Sarah said...

oh wow, you have a real little ticker now--with a real little baby (graphic) on it. that's huge, congrats!!

you know you're an infertile when the post label "clinical pregnancy" screams of hedged bets, and those of us in that camp have earned all the useless extra appts we so desire.

The Momcaster said...

if your next scan is still four weeks away, the waiting can be agony. i say, do what sets your mind at ease. the less stressed you are about everything, the better for everyone.

yaay - it's a boy! =)

mary ellen said...

I am with the others. If it makes you feel better than most definitely go for it. Good luck hon.

GLouise said...

Love the intro to this entry.
Thinking of you!

Geohde said...

Get the extra scan.

It's not worth the worrying about whether you should ON TOP of worrying about the baby,

xx

J

Samantha said...

My husband does that too sometimes. It's tough for him to think about the bad news, it makes him too anxious. If the extra scan will help quiet your fears, do it. But if it might only help fan them, try to hold out until the detailed scan.

I've had steamers with hazelnut, but no rose petals.

Ellen K. said...

I really want one of those steamers now. I doubt I can find one in my part of the U.S.

I think I would go for another scan -- peace of mind is a useful thing.

Cibele said...

My husband does the same thing when I am worried. If it will bring you peace of mind you should go for a second scan. All the best

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I'm going to chime in late and say if it puts your mind at ease a little go for the scan. I'm thinking of you.

MrsSpock said...

I've managed to work myself up into a ball of worry even after no scan- I just keep palpating my own fundus and concluding something must be terribly wrong. I think not worrying is impossible after IF...I say see if they can squeeze you in if it assuages your worry...

DI_Dad said...

I once dreamed that the scan showed us an animated world and the kid took us on an adventure. OK, so things were a little strange for me when we were at this point.

Anyhow if it makes you feel better I vote with the others and you should go have the scan.

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