First, I have to be honest and say this entry is no-where near as exciting as the one I just posted over at the International Infertility Film Festival site. So please, if you have to choose - go there. I'm secretly hoping you'll come back after you've finished, but I understand if that can't be the case as I know your time is valuable, especially with film festival deadlines looming. I'll make things short, if that helps.

--

It's been two weeks since my blood tests and biopsy, and I think I've held up pretty well so far. The results are now due sometime within the next week, and I just wanted to say, "Holy fuck, what if they find something really fucking terribly wrong and it all goes to shit and this is the end or maybe which in some ways might be worse they say it's bad news but not quite the end because if you just keep trying statistically speaking after thirty-seven cycles of IVF you'll probably but of course no guarantees manage to make it to term and oh good fucking grief what will we do if it's bad news?"

Thankyou. I'm planning to flip out briefly again tomorrow at six. Join me!


15 Comments

Rachel Inbar said...

I think I'd be thinking - I hope they do find something AND that it's really easy to fix so that the next cycle will be the one... How do you get the results? Over here, we get all our results as they come in, via the internet.

Hang in there!

Vee said...

Holy Fuck ! Now take a deep breath.
Nothing I say is going to make you feel better.

But I'll be here tomorrow at six just to swear with you and hold your hand if it needs holding.

Bea said...

I actually do feel better again now.

Just to clarify - the best case scenario is finding nothing wrong.

We get a slightly worse prognosis if they find something and it's fixable.

Then there are the unfixable things but let's not go there just now...

Bea

Beagle said...

We could form some sort of flip out sisterhood.

I hope they find nothing. Nothing at all.

Samantha said...

Hang in there in your wait!

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I so hope that everything comes back just fine. Try to hang in there Bea.

My Reality said...

Another freak out at 6? I will bring the wine and some kind of chocolate baked good.

Keep holding on, Bea! Hoping for only the best news for you.

Piccinigirl said...

So it's no surprise that I will be thinking of you and here to join in the "FREAK OUT" if need be.
My prayer today is that everything is fine...and you can GET ON WITH THIS .....

*hug*

serenity said...

Hoping very hard that they find nothing - all my bits are crossed for you.

Hang in there.

Perhaps a new song will help (since you mentioned new music is good?) This is my new favorite song:

The Lyrics

The Song - (#1 on the album)

Makes me feel invincible - for a short time at least.

I'll be thinking of you, hon...

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I'm in for 6:00 and hopefully your next flip out will be because you've received great news!

Schatzi said...

Everything is crossed for the best case scenario.... will check in tomorrow!

The Town Criers said...

I'll be there for the flip out...with bells (just to let you know, I went over to IIFF, but came back because that's how engrossing your posts are for me). It's the worst--waiting for results is the worst. Once you have them, you can process them. But right now, there are too many possibilities--both good and bad--and it's paralyzing.

Sending deep breaths.

ak1908 said...

I hope you got good news today. I've been thinking of you a lot lately. If you need to do a freak out-we're right here with you! If we need to bang on things and other vile acts- we will!!!!! I'm claiming positive things for you though!

megan said...

i hope your results come in soon and squeaky clean of any bad news. i'll join you in the flip-out...i've a follow up appt on friday that i'm absolutely dreading.

Bumble said...

Hi Bea, I hope the results came back best case scenario, and I wanted to wish you the very best of luck for this new cycle. Also, I've got a bit leftover Synarel if you need it... besides the fact its been up my nose... Whats a bit of snot between friends?

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