One of the first things the GP said to me on Monday was, "Are you a nurse?" I had just given him the potted summary of my reproductive history, up to and including that morning's beta hCG result.

"No, why?" I answered.

"You just seem to be very good at throwing medical terms around."

I shrugged matter-of-factly. "I think most patients with chronic medical conditions get pretty comfortable with the language after a year or two." He nodded. Score one for the team, I thought.

One of the last things the GP said to me on Monday was, "So... is this... does this news make you happy?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Yes! Yes. Oh, yes," I replied, emphatically, but from his expression he remained slightly less than convinced. Probably it's more accurate to say that the news so far - a positive urine test and a good, solid pregnancy panel - made me happier. I'll save "happy" for later on, when I feel more confident of how things stand.

At the moment, my worries seem to be focussing themselves around the issue of clexane. Clexane, if you remember, is what we used last time, because of our recurrent early pregnancy loss. I imagine it's not to late to jump around and get someone to prescribe it for me, but I haven't done so, for several reasons.

The first is that nobody has ever been really convinced I need it. The most likely explanation for our losses has always been a fault with egg quality, owing to excessive ovarian stimulation. Obviously, no such problem here. Secondly, we are very probably already at the point in the pregnancy where our doctors suggested we discontinue the medication. Although I insisted on injecting myself up to a full thirty weeks, and although they went along with it on the basis that it was unlikely to do any harm, the longest anyone actually recommended we keep going was up to the end of the first trimester. I've been thinking about my cycle since I got it back around PB's first birthday, and I've been very, very regular - 4.5-5 weeks each time, a calendar month plus a couple of days. The odds, at this point, are probably shortest on finding out I'm about 11-11.5 weeks already - which is too late to bother starting. (How can I have walked around that long without even suspecting? Testament to the depth of my expectation that it just couldn't happen to us.) Even if we're as early as eight weeks, we're beyond the recommendation of at least one of our specialists. And we're just... the numbers are so high. So unprecedentedly, for us, within the usual range. So very normal. Not that the last is any sort of rational reason for anything.

Still, I need something to focus my concerns on. At least for the next four days. And counting.


7 Comments

No Minimom said...

Hold it together, girl! It won't be much longer now!

Heather said...

I hope "normal" and "boring" continue for many more months!!

Rachel Inbar said...

How's Mr. Bea responding to all this?

I found out with Nomi at 6 weeks and it still took quite a while to get over the shock - even though we absolutely wanted to get pregnant... In fact, my dream was to have 2 kids who were really close in age (they're 1 year and 11 days apart).

Vee said...

Glad you bought up the Clexane because I too was wondering.

Normal is good, very good.

Cibele said...

OMG, where have I been? congratulations Bea. i am so excited for you. I hope that everything continues going well. I am very happy with the news

My Reality said...

I think pregnancy is the one time you want normal and boring.

Betty M said...

Normal definitely good. I'd leave the Clexane at this point if you are already at 12wks given your previous advice. It has become a bit automatic for ivf but I'd go for as unmedicated as possible if you can.

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