Everything feels a bit... thing... this week, what with the loss of Sylvia, Claire and Lucy. Forgive me if I don't sound as whacky as I would have liked. I can't imagine they feel like the world should keep going, just at the moment.
Short Version: I talk about parenting assvice.
First, there was the hazing, which I brushed off, laughing merrily. Oh, how merrily*. Then came the pregnancy assvice, which I shook my head at. (Did you know I shouldn't be picking things up off the floor, let alone doing any housework "in my condition"? Apparently it's true. I should either hire a maid or make my husband do it all. My job, so they tell me, is to remain seated with my feet up eating healthy, pregnancy-safe foods - preferably with "the girls" - and maybe popping out to yoga every now and again. I know! I would have fallen pregnant much sooner if I'd realised. Because it sounds so relaxing.) This week is an extra-special occasion, however, because I have received my very first ever piece of parenting assvice.
I feel so... accepted. So much a part of the club.
I have dreams in my head, you see, of trying all sorts of hippyshit parenting methods, such as co-sleeping, babywearing, exclusive breastfeeding, and yes, even cloth nappies. It's as if the infertility taught me nothing. My cloth nappying plans are the ones which have become the subject of specific criticism. Apparently it will be too much washing (quite a shock after all that time off housework, I suppose), will be dirty and smelly, will promote nappy rash, will be fiddly, and just generally won't work well enough. Now, I've read a lot on both sides of the cloth/disposables debate in reference to all these points, so I quickly accepted that no amount of rational argument would go anywhere. Instead, I pointed out how cute cloth nappies can be. Somehow, everyone seemed to think this was such a valid and important point, that we were left with nothing further to say.
The thing is, I started out wanting an easy, spontaneous conception and a low-intervention pregnancy. In reality, I have worked with what I've had to work with. But there was nothing inherently wrong with my first choice, as many happy couples will testify. So yes, I acknowledge your cloth nappy concerns, and I admit that there are pros and cons and that things might not turn out as peachy as all that. But if the best you can do is, "You'll see!" then you're wasting your breath. Because, trust me, I'm well on board with that idea.
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*Last night The Foetus was tumbling around and I was thinking contentedly about how great it all was when suddenly it occurred to me: holy fuck, that whole baby's got to come out of there at some stage! I expect this thought to represent itself periodically.
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Funny, just last night I was telling Ohad that I wondered when that feeling of, "OMG it's too late to change my mind!" would pop up... So far, so good :-)
As for assvice, I think it's usually given by people who don't realize how little they know or who generalize, thinking that they are a representative sample of the entire universe...
Yes, it does have to come out. I know that it weighs on ones mind, but it really isn't that bad, honestly! It is just one day (usually) and then you get a baby. Focus on the baby thing and don't let anyone tell you any horror stories.
Don't worry - I am focussing my little heart out. I guess it's the difference between knowing *in my mind* that there's a cost here and there and realising *in my gut* what that cost is. Still a small one for a baby, of course.
(Kind of bites if your child ends up dead, though.)
Bea
Um. Yeah. The thought has struck me a number of times - most recently when they showed me the measurement of Squishy's head. Which looked rather... well... LARGE to me.
As for the parenting assvice, I've started to answer pointed questions about what we plan on doing with a non-committal "we're still working on that. What did you do?"
Because really no one cares about what YOU'RE planning on doing - they want to share really what worked for them.
It's good because then I don't feel like I have to justify any of our decisions.
Course, it does make us look somewhat like slackers... :)
My parents used cloth ones on me and my sister. My sister used plastic on my nephews.
Both seemed to have gotten the job done.
Why do they care unless they are the one changing your child?
Do let us know how the "thing coming out of you" works out. ;) I am very curious should I ever get the chance to do it. haha.
Lol!! Don't worry about the baby coming out. It'll come out. And in the moment, it's not THAT bad. Really.
I'm sorry about the assvice. The diapers that I used were Kushies and they worked really well. We used them with Ava, but I'll admit that now with the two of them I haven't been using them with Ethan. Though I should. I should. :)
And the breastfeeding is great if you can do it. It's working well for us.
Go with your guts and tell people to mind their own business!!
Also planning to consider cloth diapers here. (I would love to use "nappies," but I'm already enough of an anglophile.)
Yeah, that idea didn't occur to me until we were around 30 weeks. Flipped out during the labour and delivery class. My only assvice on this end is that adrenaline will carry you through. Though you can't muster up the adrenaline beforehand to deal with the fears. But it will appear. At some point. In the process.
The cloth diapers are really cute.
I can vouch for the fact that plain beige cloth diapers work. ;-) Haven't tried the cute ones yet. I bought a full set second-hand from someone who bought a starter kit but decided to switch to disposables after pre-washing them. The pre-washing was not their excuse for backing out again, but the fact that their baby would be in daycare so much that it wasn't worth their while to bother.
Focus and relish on being pregnant. Enjoy it because you're one lucky gal.
And isn't it amazing that even though nobody registers for Assvice, everyone gets it?
I just don't talk to people in my life about issues like diapering and breastfeeding because of the saturation of assvice in any given discussion, and I don't think I could afford bail after starting to fling heavy objects at them. (cough) Not that I would ever do such a thing.
Anyway, I've already gotten some fantaaaaastic parenting assvice, like about how I'm going to be a lousy neurotic parent because I've been worried during pregnancy. Because, y'know, going into PTL prior to viability should be, I don't know, CALMING to me, somehow? And somehow, by not *enjoying* having a difficult and high risk pregnancy, I'm already a bad parent?
Hrmph.
People are the worst with assvice about parenting. It's even worse than the "just relax and pregnancy will happen" advice. At least there are limits to what people can say on THAT topic. But not on parenting - it's endless.
Good luck and choose whatever diapers you want. It's your decision!!!
XOXOXO
I am laughing so hard at this: "I have dreams in my head, you see, of trying all sorts of hippyshit parenting methods", cuz, ya, me too. BUT... I can't seem to wrap my head around cloth diapers. So I applaud you 100-fold.
I truly feel that we will learn well through trial and error, advice be damned.
I've never heard of cloth diapers causing diaper rash. In fact, I've heard the exact opposite, that they are better for a baby's bum. I'm just too lazy (and too grossed out) to do what it takes to clean up cloth diapers.
I've been feeling really overwhelmed by the idea that I have less than 80 days before Junior arrives. Scares the piss out of me to be quite frank.
I love the cloth diapers out these days, and if I ever end up with a baby, I might even use them. So, if you could do a test run before I get to that point, it would be appreciated.
I say do whatever you want as far as the cloth nappies and screw whoever doesn't agree with you! Can you tell I am in a mood tonight? don't even get me started!!
No parenting assvice here - I've gotten a ton of it my own self. But I wanted to tell you that I've had six kids and all six wore cloth dipes and I survived just fine.
Not sure if my comments are welcome here, cuz I'm full of kids, but I wanted to let you know it's not as hard as all of the negative nellies tell you.
www.momtothescreamingmasses.typepad.com
Ah, the labor thing. My midwife always says it would be foolish/delusional not to be a bit nervous. It is quite a ride. But it's totally doable, and there's nothing quite like the reward of the baby at the end.
As for avoiding assvice, as someone already said, it's easiest to be vague about your choices.
And I did the whole cloth diapering thing - easy and totally satisfying. And baby is less likely to get a rash, actually.
All comments welcome, Carmen, except spammers and trolls, of course! Thanks for the reassurance.
Bea
Hi, I'm a spam-eating troll (that's why I don't eat billy-goats)
I know people who use cloth diapers and are happy with it. Some people don't like having to carry a dirty diaper home when they're out so they use disposables when they're going out for the day.
Personally, I'd never have the patience/energy for it. I barely remember to change the trash bag next to the changing table.
Disposables are a freaking fortune, though. As for baby-wearing, I was totally the opposite. I thought I'd never wear my baby. My baby, however, loves to be worn. If she's screaming her head off and nothing will calm her down, all I have to do is start putting on the wrap and she gets excited. It's amazing.
I also remember that feeling of "oh my god, I have to have this baby. holy spit!" For me, it was when I toured the delivery room. I seriously looked at my husband and said "there's no way to stop this now, is there?"
I've never known a woman who didn't want to have another baby because the birth hurt too much.
We women are absolutely insane.
I am totally with you on the hippyshit. Many of my friends give me crap for planning on cloth diapering. It's "too gross" for them. I, however, have the comeback of saying "When you've wiped the ass of a 250 lb old lady with a bleeding intestine, then sprayed off a bedpan full of reeking bloody feces, a tiny bit of baby poo looks like nothing." Ha- that always shuts them up!
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