Well, I think you all deserve a prize for bothering to comment on that one. I've decided your prize will be my taking that post off the top of the front page before I make us all sick.

I'll let you know what my conclusions are with respect to this train of thought, but I'll try and spare you the angsty hand-wringing and constant expressions of self-doubt along the way.

Having said that, I did find the comments helpful. For a start, I remembered everyone goes through these little moments, especially when coming up against obstacles to the accomplishment of their plans (and as Carol points out, IF can come between a gal and even her dreamiest job). Then there were a couple of practical pieces of advice - Serenity mentioned life coaching, and Steph had some specific suggestions about social work which bear thinking about. I've also been musing over Lut's choice to have the family first, and the rest later - in direct contrast to the way people usually think about it. I think it's a smart idea and I hope it catches on. Also, it makes me less afraid to explore other paths now, rather than feeling the need to commit for life. Which may or may not have been what she was driving at.

In any case, I don't think I can bear looking at such a pitiful post any longer, so let's just push it down the page a bit and agree not to mention it any more.


serenity said...

Wring hands! Doubt all you need to!

I find it amazing that infertility touches almost everything in our lives. Perhaps you and I are the kind of people who will assess where we are along the way and think "How did I get here?"

But Bea, I have to think that this would be so much less of a passionate and heated issue if we were holding our little ones right now.

Truth is, because we're infertile and unfulfilled, we're seeking fulfillment in other areas of our life. And the career is a logical area in which we can focus.

For me, at least... IF has really hit my self-confidence. In my pre-infertile life I was decisive and open-minded. Nowadays I'm lucky if I can decide what I'm wearing in the morning.

Anyway. I am looking forward to hearing about the next steps, should you decide to strike out anew.

And thank you very very much for your comment on my endo post today. You gave me a good number of things to think on, particularly the cost-benefit of getting a lap versus just trusting my RE knows what he's doing.

The Town Criers said...

I'm seconding Serenity's brilliant thoughts: I think that you start searching out things to fix because the thing you really want to take care of (having a child) is out of your control. I love Serenity's thoughts on fulfillment.

Lut said...

Before IF, I had happily rolled from one thing to another, high school, college, job, ... In a way, I'm still rolling, just not very happily.
It fits my personality, my lack of burning ambition to achieve Something Big.
I'm sure my boss would prefer it otherwise, but he can fire me if it bothers him that much.

lola said...

Hi Bea, I missed your original post but just read it. I think Serenity's post is so well written and I can't tell you how many times I've wanted so badly to change something, anything in my life to distract me from the fact that I still don't have a baby. It's such an unfair ride to be on and we can't control how we feel about it most of the time.

Hopeful Mother said...

Yes, yes, yes. Serenity is right - it is re-focus and searching for fulfillment in other areas. If we were holding little ones we could probably care less...

Bea, your posts are always so thought-provoking... that I can never get my thoughts together enough to actually comment on your posts! But do know that I enjoy reading them!

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