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This is an update of an old post, to clarify a few things for googlers. Feel free to just skip it!

Ok, well. First of all - at some point I urge you to scroll down and read "For Your Thirteenth" - the post I wrote last night and popped up this morning just before Everything happened. I spent a bit of time on it. It's a shame to see it severely overshadowed.

Now - on with the overshadowing.

Let me say from the outset, I think it's absolutely great that Mr Bea has won his dream job in Singapore (which, for those catching up, starts in one month). Also, having had complete veto, should I have wished to exercise it, over his decision to apply, I do not resent the latest turn of events in the slightest. Ok, well, the infertility I still resent. No control, see? Not my decision, that one.

Like I keep saying: the job is perfectly timed. It's just the family-starting bit that's gone out of whack*.

So this is in no way a post bemoaning anything, or anyone. Except maybe the infertility (keep coming back to that, don't I?) This is a post about solutions**.

Give me solutions, people.

QUESTION: What the hell am I going to do?


1. Move to Singapore, get a job. Discontinue IVF. Slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

2. Move to Singapore, get a job. Continue IVF in Australia. Get fired from job for having to take off at short notice for long periods. Slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

3. Move to Singapore, get a job. Sell kidney to do IVF through Singapore clinic without insurance coverage. Go through stim cycle again even through I was hospitalised for ten days last time with the worst case of OHSS my FS has had in over 20 years of being a FS, plus I have a family history of breast cancer and damn but those drugs are not good for that***. Get fired from job for having to take off at short notice. Succumb to feelings of guilt and despair at having abandoned frozen embryos. Slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

4. Move to Singapore, become lady of "leisure"****. Sell kidney to do IVF in Singapore and/or fly to and fro to Australia to do IVF. Get depressed at having nothing in my life, including family and friends, except failing to conceive whilst draining my bank account/surplus organ supply. Slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

5. Move to Singapore, get a job. Discontinue IVF, commence adoption with dodgy for-profit agencies who trade babies for around 30k apiece. Battle with personal issues including premature moving on from idea of having pregnancy and/or biological child, and ethical issues such as... well, baby trading for profit*****. Lose battle, slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

6. Don't move to Singapore. Continue IVF and current job. Have personal and/or marital crisis due to absence of Mr Bea, slit wrists and/or die old, alone and bitter.

7. Guys? There must be something I haven't thought of. Doesn't matter if it's a bad idea - this is a brainstorming session - just give me any old idea/question/comment you have.

Also - and thanks for reading this far, really - how easy is it to rent a dog-friendly place in Singapore? Anyone know? Because I am not leaving my dog in Oz on top of everything. Unless I'm out of kidneys by then.

*Actually, I usually say, "Fucked Up," except in front of my parents.

**Plus or minus a little bit of support - your call. But my bed, fully prepared to lie in it, etc. I guess the Singapore thing adds complications, but it's hard to believe anything could add pain.

***There is NO scientific link between breast cancer and IVF. In fact, your risk is lower if you fall pregnant through IVF, compared to not falling pregnant at all (either by choice or after infertility). And most people in any of those groups don't get breast cancer anyway. Just wanted to reassure my fellow fertility-challenged friends that no-one here is giving themselves breast cancer and that's not what I meant.

However, it is my personal opinion and you should note here that I'm not a doctor - that if I'm at risk for breast cancer I should avoid unecessarily pumping myself full of hormones. I mean - that just seems like common sense, right? So. Not keen to stim again when frozen embryos available.

****Well, IVF is kind of fun.

*****Please note I do not have a problem with adoption. I do have a problem with baby trading. Plus I'm not sure we're ready. Also, I've noticed I'm getting a few hits for "adoption in singapore" and suchlike, so I wanted to point out my baby-trading comments were made in a fit of confusion and panic. I have been assured by many that Singaporean adoption practices are just fine. In fact, Australia will automatically recognise adoptions legalised in Singapore, since the ethical standards are up to scratch.


Meg said...

Bea... Oh my god, this is HUGE! And I wish I could help you... It seems an awful lot to fly all the way back for IVF, especially if you get a job, which you probably would. Is IVF in Singapore very very expensive?

Bea said...

Ok - option seven. Chuck career in, but get a casual/volunteer position in Singapore, fly backwards and forwards for IVF.

Meg: IVF in Singapore is S$6000-13000 (haven't got the conversion rate down, but a little less in AUD). So not as bad as I thought, but still much more expensive than flying backwards and forwards for it.

Option Eight - transport embryos to Singapore, pay for FETs. Slightly risky to embryos, major hassle, but doable and cheaper than stimming in Sing. (Not sure what the FET cost is, yet, but it would have to be much less.)


soralis said...

Oh man I would not want to be in your shoes right now... Please try to find an option that doesn't involve your wrists though.

Big hug

Mel said...

Awww, Bea I really wish I could help you. I just want to give you a big hug ((((HUG)))

Rachel Inbar said...

Bea... Get this, the other night I dreamt I was in Singapore... It must have to do with the fact that I'm sooooo hoping that this cycle will be the one for you. That will make this whole post irrelevant, at least until you're ready for the next one :-)

When you take a new job, there's always the option of saying up front, "and hey, I need to be in Australia once in a while because of a family health issue" or something like that. After my divorce, I took a new job & told the people that during the summer I could only come in 3 days a week. They hired me anyway and I was really glad I'd worried about it in January, instead of waiting for June.

Some jobs also let you work from home some of the time. Maybe that's an option?

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