The heartbeat scan went well. But I guess you can't pick up every ectopic pregnancy on every apparently-normal heartbeat scan. A week later her fallopian tube burst without warning and she was rushed to the OR.

The baby is obviously gone. She's ok.

WHAT I KNOW

I know when she told me it looked normal at eight weeks I was relieved.

I know much of what I'd been feeling before was a sort of displaced early pregnancy anxiety, rather than pure maternal grief.

I know there was still a touch of grief. 

I know she's upset but she's handling it well. So is he.

I know ultimately, I wanted it to work.

THE QUESTIONS I HAVE

When, how, how often, and with what words should I contact them?

How do I feel that we gave them the opportunity to experience a life-threatening miscarriage?

Should I feel good that we held up "our end of the bargain" - a good embryo for our recipients - or bad that we didn't hold up "our end of the bargain" - a safe uterus for our embryo?

Is three remaining embryos enough?

When will we get to find out?

Don't the stakes seem kind of high now?

How sad am I supposed to be, and how much of my sadness am I allowed to share with them in theirs?

What's the protocol for this?

What if it never works again?