tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.comments2023-08-26T01:04:43.031+10:00Infertile FantasiesBeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comBlogger5819125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-44023415151019810952019-02-09T00:16:58.412+10:002019-02-09T00:16:58.412+10:00I’m so sorry. I so wish the process wasn’t abruptl...I’m so sorry. I so wish the process wasn’t abruptly and cruelly ended like that. Sending lots of care. Kristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05711556288937525361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-78381783241468679822019-02-08T10:26:24.957+10:002019-02-08T10:26:24.957+10:00Oh fuck, B. I am so sorry. There really are no g...Oh fuck, B. I am so sorry. There really are no good words because the whole situation is so bittersweet. Really, just bitter. Sending a hug.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09514027938774211339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-61851057216443668612016-09-03T23:44:01.378+10:002016-09-03T23:44:01.378+10:00Thanks Mrs Spock. And thanks for reading, as alway...Thanks Mrs Spock. And thanks for reading, as always.<br /><br />BabyWithATwist - good luck with your decision (and hit me up with a message any time). But yeah to an extent I think it's the time to completely process the decision that you need.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-36309160005744242652016-09-03T03:12:18.414+10:002016-09-03T03:12:18.414+10:00I agree with that advice. We have 5 frozen embryos...I agree with that advice. We have 5 frozen embryos and are stuck as to what to do with them. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-2883939811293450402016-08-31T23:11:24.412+10:002016-08-31T23:11:24.412+10:00"Find closure first." Yep, great advice...."Find closure first." Yep, great advice.MrsSpockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10792687516201324640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-71411699995670410462016-01-23T11:33:20.064+10:002016-01-23T11:33:20.064+10:00torthúil : Thanks for understanding. That sounds a...torthúil : Thanks for understanding. That sounds a bit short and lame but hopefully you know it's neither. Understanding is a lot.<br /><br />Lori: Wise words as always. I followed your link and yes, I think a lot of it fits well. It all feels a little difficult to latch onto - like there's not enough concrete "stuff" to really grab. <br /><br />Dora: Good to hear from you again. Rollercoasters do suck. I'm ok, and I'll be ok - I still get the feeling in this case it's harder on them (or maybe we just always think that). <br /><br />Valery: Yep, good point. She has since this post told me she plans to get back to it as soon as she's recovered, but I think it's probably a good idea to take that with a grain of salt and see how it unfolds in practice. I can understand she (and he as well) might go through a course of different feelings about the future until they settle on an actual plan. So we'll just wait and see for now. I'm glad you made it through and sorry you had to go through it in the first place.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-62253240453489010442016-01-23T06:24:05.913+10:002016-01-23T06:24:05.913+10:00Hugs for such complex feelings.
I don't mean t...Hugs for such complex feelings.<br />I don't mean to be a party pooper, but it might be safer not to assume too much about the future or other embryos. After a life threatening experience (and the higher than normal risk of it happening again) trying again may not be something she wants to think about very soon. ( For me almost dying once was enough.While a different situation, it changed my family building plans)<br />Here from Mel's roundup.Valeryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10210187335704409247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-59601778894940447632016-01-23T04:55:13.978+10:002016-01-23T04:55:13.978+10:00Oh, no! Just seeing this post. So sorry all around...Oh, no! Just seeing this post. So sorry all around. What Non Sequitur Chica said, ditto. You're giving them a chance, not a guarantee.<br /><br />As I mentioned before, my first donor embryo FET failed. My donor felt responsible for the quality of the embryos. I think the failed FET was harder on her than me. This is all such an emotional roller coaster. I've always hated roller coasters. :-( Dorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16255190971670471758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-14391405509704123062016-01-23T02:48:29.978+10:002016-01-23T02:48:29.978+10:00What a strange kind of grief you are facing. In ad...What a strange kind of grief you are facing. In adoption world, we talk a lot about "ambiguous grief," and this seems like it qualifies.<br /><br />Hugs on all the feelings. I think feelings are beyond shoulds. You just feel what you feel. And sometimes you feel two opposite things at the same time. It's part of why going through something like this seems so big, so breaky.<br /><br />(Sorry, looks like it's called "ambiguous loss": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambiguous_loss)Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-19534166419633017092016-01-22T23:47:26.181+10:002016-01-22T23:47:26.181+10:00Oh, this is so complicated and sad. I am glad the ...Oh, this is so complicated and sad. I am glad the recipient is ok, that has to be a terrifying experience, not to mention the heartache. Of course it's not your fault, but that doesn't mean there isn't a snarl of emotions. torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-80827436529783006262016-01-14T11:49:29.462+10:002016-01-14T11:49:29.462+10:00Non Sequitur Chica: thanks for your kind words. I ...Non Sequitur Chica: thanks for your kind words. I know you're right, I guess it'll take a little while to settle down in my head. And in the meantime here's hoping the next one works.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-85473215918689973542016-01-14T11:42:54.117+10:002016-01-14T11:42:54.117+10:00Mrs Spock - she is doing ok. The doctors are sayin...Mrs Spock - she is doing ok. The doctors are saying she should be home again before too long then she has some time off work as well. And she seems to be pretty resilient emotionally. I guess she's had some practice at this stage of the game. That said, it'll take a while to get over things. I'll take a look to see if I can find some of those cards.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-55421891545092153142016-01-14T01:05:37.248+10:002016-01-14T01:05:37.248+10:00I can understand how you would feel a bit guilty o...I can understand how you would feel a bit guilty over the fact that she had an ectopic pregnancy, but it certainly isn't your fault. I would just take her lead and every once in a while check in with her if she hasn't contacted you to see if she needs to talk/needs anything.<br /><br />If it never works again then that is just what happens. You are giving them the chance and unfortunately even with IVF, that's what it is- a chance and not a certainty.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-17418442612748799362016-01-14T00:10:58.659+10:002016-01-14T00:10:58.659+10:00How scary! I hope she is doing OK. I'm sure sh...How scary! I hope she is doing OK. I'm sure showing concern with a short email or a card would be OK. They do make cards nowadays for miscarriage loss. MrsSpockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10792687516201324640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-27620927459401539022016-01-13T19:31:15.794+10:002016-01-13T19:31:15.794+10:00Thanks Mali. I think we'll all sort through it...Thanks Mali. I think we'll all sort through it in the end but it's a bit of a shock and it feels so abstract. I'm involved, but I'm not Capital I Involved. Thanks for the website suggestion - I will tuck that away for our next chat. Good to hear your perspective from having been through ectopic pregnancies - not what you would have chosen to go through, I'm sure.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-49576005334393778622016-01-13T18:37:02.034+10:002016-01-13T18:37:02.034+10:00I'm really sorry for all concerned. I've h...I'm really sorry for all concerned. I've had two ectopic pregnancies. Although the shock of coming face to face with my own mortality is life-changing, the grief of the loss was more intense. IVF pregnancies have a much higher rate of ectopics than natural pregnancies, probably due to conditions that contributed to the infertility in the first place. So you're not responsible for the fact she had an ectopic. You gave her a gift of a pregnancy. Whatever happened in the future, I think she'll be grateful for that. But it might take her a while to really feel it (i.e. don't point it out!)<br /><br />There's an organisation called The Ectopic Trust (ectopic.org) where they could find support and answers, about what happened and what it means for the future. It also has suggestions on information for family and friends, including suggestions of what to say.<br /><br />As for you, you're allowed to feel whatever it is you feel. Roll with the emotions, and be kind to yourself.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-63360868632986096112015-12-27T18:06:59.576+10:002015-12-27T18:06:59.576+10:00Thanks Valery. Yes, definitely joy. I'm feelin...Thanks Valery. Yes, definitely joy. I'm feeling much better about it since my little meltdown! Sometimes I think you just have to have the meltdown. It probably won't be the last...Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-18154532900137568092015-12-26T00:18:26.071+10:002015-12-26T00:18:26.071+10:00I don't know why I am crying, or who for, but ...I don't know why I am crying, or who for, but I am. <br />Here from the Roundup.<br />wishing you peace. and who knows, a little joy too?<br />HugsValeryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10210187335704409247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-89157781231788456232015-12-22T13:07:52.560+10:002015-12-22T13:07:52.560+10:00Thanks for your comment, Dora! I think I will feel...Thanks for your comment, Dora! I think I will feel more confident about it after the heartbeat scan. In the meantime, though, all is going well, which is ultimately good news. <br /><br />Congratulations on your girl!Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-10673194035587168342015-12-22T13:03:59.404+10:002015-12-22T13:03:59.404+10:00Thanks Mrs S. :) I do feel better now as well.Thanks Mrs S. :) I do feel better now as well.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-69748160737825311252015-12-22T01:26:46.775+10:002015-12-22T01:26:46.775+10:00All the best to you and your recipients. Hoping fo...All the best to you and your recipients. Hoping for an uneventful pregnancy!<br /><br />With the donor embryos I received, the first transfer did not take. It was hard all around, but the second FET was my wonderful girl.Dorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16255190971670471758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-29888126579267607502015-12-21T00:40:38.947+10:002015-12-21T00:40:38.947+10:00Holding you in my thoughts...Holding you in my thoughts...MrsSpockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10792687516201324640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-48618672670040900222015-11-26T12:51:04.632+10:002015-11-26T12:51:04.632+10:00Jess - that sounds intense! Funny how many differe...Jess - that sounds intense! Funny how many different angles there are on the same process, it's true. Each family has their own unique context to deal with, and their own unique personalities dealing with it. Let me know if you want to talk or anything.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-13635445978757376852015-11-26T05:26:41.537+10:002015-11-26T05:26:41.537+10:00This is close to my heart now, as my husband and I...This is close to my heart now, as my husband and I are in the decision-making process to donate our embryos through an adoption program, while simultaneously in the adoption process ourselves, waiting to be matched with an expectant mother. So much to think about, so many pieces to this process, so many different ways to just process the process itself (if that makes any sense at all). Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25184159.post-63745622659850693582015-11-21T19:25:51.757+10:002015-11-21T19:25:51.757+10:00(I hadn't necessarily drawn the distinction my...(I hadn't necessarily drawn the distinction myself.)Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.com