Here's what we did. We married young, studied hard, began our careers, and went out to see the world - but not for too long. We didn't want to be the couple who "forgot" to have kids, so somewhere in what you could arguably still call our mid-twenties, we headed home and started trying for a baby, and that's when it happened. When what happened? Why, nothing, of course. That's when nothing at all happened.

So we reviewed our options, decided on a path, and went down that path for long enough to think we were running out of options. And that's when the next thing happened - the job opportunity in Singapore, which gave us more options. We discovered that if we built up a year's residency in Singapore, we could pursue adoption - which was not possible at that time back home - and in the meantime we could continue fertility treatments. So we shipped ourselves away again, but a few weeks before that year was up, the treatments worked and we had our first take-home baby. Wherever "home" was, nowadays. We weren't sure.

So we left, we came back, and today we constantly question where we are and where we want to be and how we can get there. We're not unhappy - we like it. It's a blessing to have a future so open with possibility. But it's also a juggling act - fitting everyone's dreams under the one umbrella, and trying to teach our children the lessons they'll need for this type of uncertain future.

I used to blog here as Bea, author of Infertile Fantasies. Today, these are the things I grapple with, and could use some help on. To mark this new phase, I have redecorated, changed my blog title, and given us all new pseudonyms - kind of like an Appalachian Trail Name as once suggested by The Stirrup Queen, if more pronounced. Henceforth, I shall be known as Aerotropolitan Comitissa, although I don't honestly expect anyone to stand on ceremony enough to spit all that out. AC, perhaps. I don't know. I answer to just about any friendly call. Mr Bea will henceforth be known as "The Earl", The Prata Boy as "The Young Master" and Surprise Baby as "The Young Miss" - or Master and Miss or various derivations around those terms for short.

I hope at least a few thoughtful people will keep me company. The issues I face have taken on a new angle because of our chosen lifestyle, but they exist universally. We all grapple with the give and take of our own wants against those immediately affected by our decisions, and with our own viewpoints against the society around us. I hope we can grow richer using collective wisdom gleaned from many walks of life.


2 Comments

Mali said...

I can hear the horror behind the title! I'm looking forward to reading about your expat life. (I have two Malaysian sisters-in-law - they're very funny about the Singaporeans).

I've lived in Thailand twice, travelled through SE Asia for work extensively, and my niece and nephew have grown up overseas (Singapore, The Netherlands, Malaysia, and now Qatar). My niece left NZ when she was 8. She doesn't know NZ, certainly doesn't have a NZ sense of humour, or accent, or culture. But she remembers NZ, and wants to share that affinity. My nephew left NZ when he was 4 months old. He has no affinity to NZ other than it is where is grandparents and his favourite cats (ours - though they've died since his last visit) live. It's quite sad really.

Aerotropolitan Comitissa said...

Actually no horror, Mali, although his teacher did look horrified and apologetic when I mentioned it and I had to soothe her! He can code-switch (it's pretty clumsy at present). I'm quite pleased knowing that he is learning that there are different ways to talk to different people, and I think it will stand him in good stead in the long run.

I feel I need to know your jokes about the Singaporeans! (You can email me privately if you think it's more appropriate.)

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