It's funny. It's not really funny.

All week I've been opening my reader to look at the blogs, and then more or less just closing it again, a couple of minutes later. My eyes are kind of sliding off the posts. I haven't heard a word anybody's said.

Away from the computer, it's different - busy, bustling, self-involved. I have the luxury of being able to put the lid down on my laptop and thus gain a little precious distance, unlike Vee [invite only], who has to live wholly entangled in the day to day of having Alex gone. Me - for me it's moments like these, when I try (once again, again) to figure out what I'd like to say. I'm not sure what I'd like to say.

I've never been good at this. Others have written touching blogs, and Vee has the most heartbreaking post of all [invite only]. I keep searching, not so much for something to say, but for something to do, and it's eluding me somewhat, but here's a shot.

Alex wanted donations made to Rainbows for Kate, instead of flowers, at his funeral. If you would like to do something for Max/Alex and Vee, you can make a donation here. If you have a cancer charity in your home country that you prefer, I'm sure it would be similarly appreciated.

And if there's something more you want to do, how about joining me in this? Just over a month ago (on March 20th, to be exact), Vee sent me instructions for a dish Max concocted during a moment of respite [password protected] from the burdens of his illness. I'm going to the shop in a moment, to buy the ingredients. I probably can't recreate the exact dish, as it was sort of ad libbed in Vee and Max's kitchen as they went along, and I certainly can't recreate that day itself, complete with all its cast and crew. But I'd like to honour that moment, by putting this dish on my table over the weekend, and I'm hoping you do, too.

Here's how to join in:

1. Read the instructions below, and shop for your ingredients.
   
2. Cook the dish, or something close to.
   
3. Take a snap of your dish and post it on your blog.
   
4. Please leave this message at the top of your post:
   

   Alex wanted donations made to Rainbows for Kate, instead of flowers, at his funeral. If you would like to do something for Max/Alex and Vee, you can make a donation here. If you have a cancer charity in your home country that you prefer, I'm sure it would be similarly appreciated.
   
   If you like the look of this dish, you can find out the story behind it and how to cook it here*. Please take a picture when you're finished and help spread awareness of and raise funds to battle sarcoma.

   
   
   *Alternatively, write your own tribute, including the recipe and instructions for joining in.
   
   Links:
   Rainbows for Kate - http://www.rainbowsforkate.com.au/
   RFK Donations page - http://www.rainbowsforkate.com.au/donations.html
   This post for recipe and instructions - http://infertilefantasies.blogspot.com/2010/05/chicken-la-moondance-max.html
   
   

Recipe

Ingredients:
- lime juice
- sesame oil
- fresh, chopped chilli
- fresh, chopped coriander (cilantro)
- sultanas
- rum
- chicken
- butter
- pineapple
- cous cous

"I can tell you that we marinated the chicken the night before in lime juice, a dash of sesame oil and fresh chilli & coriander. Also soaked the sultana's in rum the night before.

Then cooked the chicken in butter just so it gets a nice golden brown...( yes not very health conscious we never used butter but gosh it tastes so good!)

Take chicken out of the pan and cook pineapple in chicken juices.

Add a bit more butter and then throw in sultanas with rum (you can add extra rum if you like at this stage) and sit chicken on top of pineapple and sultanas and put a lid on the pan and let it simmer for a while so chicken cooks through.

Serve with couscous.

It can be quite sweet but if you eat it all together then it tones down the sweetness down a bit.

And an after thought we should have garnished the plate with a coriander leaf and some chilli...but hey Alex has been watching too many cooking shows!"