Short version: everything fine with appointment, I get smug at a fertile woman.

So there's this woman at yoga (I've been once, but check out how I say "at yoga") who is only a few weeks behind me in terms of gestational age. In terms of outlook, she's lightyears away.

Take, for example, the conversation we had about birth plans. Ok, for a start, she brought up the topic of birth plans with roughly half a pregnancy to go. Secondly, she mentioned that she was considering an elective caesarian because she was afraid of the pain.

"What about you?" she asked.

"I was going to deliver the baby in whatever way the obstetrician thought was safest," I replied, trying desperately not to screw my face into some sort of superior expression. I guess you can't take the "smug" out of "smug infertile" after all.

I tried to explain, without using the words "dead baby". I gave her a one-sentence summary of the IVF, the OHSS, the D&C... "The thing about physical pain," I concluded, "is that you can never really remember it after it's gone. Not in an actual, visceral sense. Not in the same way that emotional pain lingers on. I find it hard, these days, to be afraid of something that fleeting, especially this far in advance."

She nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. That's a good way of looking at it." She didn't seem to hate me for my high-horsedness. I came home feeling old, battlehardened, and soul-weary. And smug. Really quite smug.

--

This morning, the universe decided not to slap me for my smugness, instead giving me a very smooth appointment. Measurements all fine, normal, fine, plus I got this cute ultrasound picture which I can't show to anyone unless I want them to know the gender, but here it is exclusively for you. Blah blah more clexane, blah blah see you in four weeks blah blah how I love blah when it comes to appointments. In celebration of this, plus its being annual bonus week at Mr Bea's work, I bought a pair of funky, red, orthopoedic sandals (for my tired feet and the slightly achey back I sometimes get now) and a new top on the way home. I think I might wear them out to our Viability Day festivities tonight.

Twenty-four weeks, people. Fuckin' yeah.


30 Comments

rememberella said...

Happy viability day, Bea!

Vee said...

Fuckin' FABULOUS ! Enjoy your festivities and your new shoes.

My Reality said...

Fuckin' yeah is right!! About it all!

Beagle said...

I'm so glad for you . . . you are entitled to feel as smug as you like!

Beagle said...

I'm guessing Mr. Bea is mighty proud, maybe even a little smug himself . . . of that . . . err . . . equipment! Nice U/S!

('course I have no idea what the I hell I'm looking at . . . maybe I just have a vivid imagination!)

BethH6703 said...

So fuckin' faboulous I can't see straight! Congrats darlin!

And after all you've been thru, you're entitled to a little bit of smug. Clearly it wasn't over the top sumgness, just enough to introduce a fertile to another way of thinking - no - OUR way of thinking! Good on ya for it!

Rachel Inbar said...

So glad you had a smooth appointment! I can understand being afraid of the pain, but not going for an elective c-section.

MrsSpock said...

Elective C-section b/c of fear of pain? Chicky must never have had surgery before...

Hmm...yes, I think that ultrasound is rather blatant in the gender department- congrats on the you-know-what!

Caro said...

Great ultrasound.

Jen said...

I've never seen a more obvious gender ultrasound scan. Wow! And a big hurrah for viability!

Jamie said...

Sounds like you have a much more realistic view of birth than that woman does! Having experienced both a c-section (without a take-home baby) and a vaginal birth I can now say that vaginal is totally the way to go. My c-section was a lot harder physically. So now I think anyone who even mentions a planned c-section (without medical necessity) is crazy.

I'm so excited for you and your future little boy. All of the pain of inferility really does fade when you are able to hold him in your arms. :)

serenity said...

Fuck yeah indeeed!

Happy viability day, Bea.

What a long, strange trip it's been, yeah?

Sunny said...

What a wonderful u/s picture!!!!

ak1908 said...

Yay! Very glad for you!!!

Karaoke Diva said...

Fuckin' yeah indeed!!!! Hurray for 24 weeks!

And welcome to the Blue Team! :-)

Jess said...

CONGRATS on Viability Day!! I looove it!

Excitement about the boy (we have a pic of Ethan that looks almost exactly like that one!), too!!

:) So happy for you!

Thalia said...

sounds like you handled that conversation really well. Or perhaps other yoga mothers (heh heh) are very mellow.

Your boy has quite the package, no?

Pamela Jeanne said...

You go, Bea, on both stories!

Ellen K. said...

24 weeks. How awesome are you? And fetus of course. : )

Sarah said...

happy viability, hurray!!!!

hmm, so some people ask because they're actually interested in and open to other people's perspectives? interesting. i might have to give it a try.

and it really doesn't sound like you were all that smug, just honest.

The Town Criers said...

You can't get much clearer than that ultrasound picture :-) Congratulations! And that doesn't sound smug. That sounds smart.

Lut C. said...

That is a good way of putting it, with regards to the pain of birth.

24 weeks! That is a milestone worth celebrating!

GLouise said...

24 weeks, Hurrah!!!!! I want to see pix of you wearing the rockin' new shoes.

Waiting Amy said...

Happy Viability!

I love what you said to that lady. It sounded thoughtful and introspective, not smug.

And congratulations on baby's, uh, gender!

Geohde said...

Happy viability day!

xx

J

Somewhat Ordinary said...

No mistaking that ultrasound!!

The one thing that gets me about yoga girl is that she wants to elect to do a c-section because she is afraid of the pain. Is she serious? Everyone I know that has had one has had more pain that lingers than anyone who I know who has delivered naturally.

Lori said...

I'm sure there's a lot to say to your post, but I'm still hung up on the ultrasound!

Yay!

Robyn said...

Finally delurking after snorting my morning tea out my nose at the idea of CS as feasible alternative to labour pain!

I've done it both ways - labour pain is over and done with but a CS means you are on serious pain meds, can't move faster than a geriatric tortoise on Prozac and you have a brand new baby to feed and care for.

And those stitched up abdominal muscles after a CS? Not so easy for the yoga.

Congrats on reaching this point and wishing you all continued smooth sailing.

Aurelia said...

Happy Viability Day!

And wow, what a picture. I'm sorry, but I laughed when I saw it. Holy you certainly have a lot of nice hormones you decided to share with him, eh?

Carly said...

Oh my goodness! That pic is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

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