Taoist Tai Chi has recently brought me a new persona. I like her. I think she's good for me.

From time to time she asks me to perform the set for her.

I make my bow and, in the pause before Commencement, she leans in and asks me what I'm thinking.

"I'm thinking of the set," I reply. "Of all the moves I have to do."

"Then you're doing it wrong," she chastises me gently. My arms drop to my side in a posture of defeat as she continues. "The whole set is made up of one hundred and eight moves. But you will complete it more perfectly if you forget about one hundred and seven of them."

"Right..." I respond, blankly. The expression on my face adds, "What the fuck?"

"To perform each move perfectly, you must let it fill your mind completely. Like this...

"Left Grasp Bird's Tail.
Grasp Bird's Tail.
Single Whip.
Step Up And Raise Hands.
White Stork Spreads Wings.
Left brush knee.
Strum the Pei Pa."

I try:

Left brush knee... Chop with fist... Step up, deflect, parry, punch...

"Better," Master Bea says, watching me keenly. "But your movements are still full of fret and distraction.

"Listen and watch: this move, and now this move, now this move, now this move... The rest is too far in the future. How can we worry about Cross Hands, before we Appear To Close Entrance? Who knows what will happen in between?

"Of course there is a bigger picture - an underlying aim. But having resolved ourselves to it, we must cease to think about it. There is no need to calculate how many steps lie between Grasp Bird's Tail and Strum The Pei Pa. Let your mind focus on Grasp Bird's Tail, and when you have finished, let it focus on Single Whip. This move, now this move, now this move... and - well. The set completes itself.

"Try again."

I Carry Tiger to Mountain.
Then Diagonal single Whip.
Now Fist Under Elbow.
And Go Back to Ward Off Monkeys.


"Good. In this way, we can perform even the longest set. We need never be afraid to charge ourselves with such great and daunting tasks. The end will always come to us, one move at a time.

Now Slanting Flying.
Now Step Up and Raise Hands.
Now White Stork Spreads Wings.
And Left Brush Knee.
Needle at Sea Bottom.
Fan Penetrates through the Back.
Turn and Chop with Fist.
Step Up, Deflect, Parry, Punch.
Step Up to Grasp Bird's Tail.
Single Whip.
Wave Hands Like Clouds.
Single Whip.
Reach Up to Pat Horse.
Separate Foot to Right.
Separate Foot to Left.
Turn and Kick.
Left Brush Knee and Turn.
Right Brush Knee and Turn.
Step Up and Punch.
Turn and Chop with Fist.
Step Up, Deflect, Parry, Punch.
Right Foot Kick.
Hit Tiger at Left.
Hit Tiger at Right.
Right Foot Kick.
Strike Ears with Fists.
Left Foot Kick.
Turn and Kick.
Chop with Fist.
Step Up, Deflect, Parry, Punch.
Appear to Close Entrance.
Cross Hands.
Carry Tiger to Mountain.
Whip Out Horizontally.
Left Part Wild Horse's Mane.
Right Part Wild Horse's Mane.
Left Part Wild Horse's Mane.
Right Part Wild Horse's Mane.
Left Part Wild Horse's Mane.
Left Grasp Bird's Tail.
Step Up to Grasp Bird's Tail.
Single Whip.
Left Fair Lady Works Shuttles.
Right Fair Lady Works Shuttles.
Left Fair Lady Works Shuttles.
Right Fair Lady Works Shuttles.
Left Grasp Bird's Tail.
Step Up to Grasp Bird's Tail.
Single Whip.
Wave Hands Like Clouds.
Single Whip.
Creeping Low Like a Snake.
Golden Cock Stands on One Leg.
Golden Cock Stands on One Leg.
Go Back to Ward Off Monkeys.
Go Back to Ward Off Monkeys.
Slanting Flying.
Step Up and Raise Hands.
White Stork Spreads Wings.
Left Brush Knee.
Needle at Sea Bottom.
Fan Penetrates through the Back.
White Snake Turns and Puts Out Tongue.
Step Up, Deflect, Parry, Punch.
Step Up to Grasp Bird's Tail.
Single Whip.
Wave Hands Like Clouds.
Single Whip.
Reach Up to Pat Horse.
Cross Hands to Penetrate.
Turn and Kick.
Chop with Fist.
Brush Knee and Punch.
Step Up to Grasp Bird's Tail.
Whip to One Side.
Creeping Low Like a Snake.
Step Up to Seven Stars.
Retreat to Ride Tiger.
Turn Around to Sweep Lotus.
Draw Bow to Shoot Tiger.
Chop with Fist.
Step Up, Deflect, Parry, Punch.
Appear to Close Entrance.
Cross Hands.
Closing of Tai Chi.


6 Comments

Bea said...

I've been slack in commenting on blogs lately. I'm sorry about that. I appreciate all the support and I know how much a comment can mean sometimes.

Having said, there are a few blogs I've continued to comment on. I can't explain my system of differentiation - I don't really have one. A lot has to do with simply whose blog I've been reading the longest. For some, it's whose path is most similar to my own. Or maybe you said something once and it stuck with me, so I continue to hang around.

It's not because the rest of you aren't hurting, or fighting, or in any other way deserving of attention. That's right - it's not you, it's me.

This FET thing - I think I'm beginning to realise just how long it might take. Longer, because I maintain that single transfers of three-day embryos are the best choice for us. I won't go into our reasons, but I've gone over them and over them and I am resolved to this plan.

I just need to perform it one move at a time.

Until, one way or another, we reach the end.

In the meantime, I'm sorry if my mind is too full of my current movement to give you the support you deserve.

Bea

Vee said...

Bea, I totally understand. Sometimes I visit blogs but just don't have the strength to comment or be positive for them. I love that you visit my blog and it does mean a lot to me, I thank you with all my heart.

I don't think you will reach the end not , you will just reach another fork in the road then make decisions to take the same road or the new road.

I think you are a Master at Tai Chi, it is great that you have something that can get your mind off IF even for a short time.

Thank you for suggesting it for me a while back. I did look into it, the class times weren't good, it is something I would love to do in the future though. The beauty of it, it is something you can take with you anywhere.

All the best fr your FET.

Dramalish said...

Oh honey... don't worry about the comments. It happens....

Hope the FET can get going for you soon...
-D.

Meg said...

Really Bea, we should all just forgive ourselves for commenting guilt. Hell, I just came over here feeling just that.

The Tai Chi sounds amazing. And as I am gearing up to marking one hundred (bad)writing folio pieces, I am going to say: You did an excellent job of capturing the essence of Tai Chi's purpose. Pacing worked. Well done.

I am joking but I do mean it. I think I could do with some of this.

It sounds like just what I need. The forgetting of future and past.

StellaNova said...

A beautiful description and analogy. I appreciate your comments ... and understand if you need absence. I think we all feel the same at some times or others.

Just keep moving forward.

Thinking of you.

soralis said...

Wow that Tai Chi seems like a lot of work! Hope you enjoy!

Take care and wishing you the very best.

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