It's been a long time between posts. That's infertility for you.

We're still here, still waiting for the stars to align on the next embryo transfer - stars of blood, stars of schedules, stars of endometrial lining, stars of emotional readiness. You know - stars. Well make up your own metaphor then.

While you're doing that, let me tell you about what a wise woman once said to me. Not that it was the only thing she said - amongst her many words of advice and the story of her experience there was a lot to learn. But I want to talk about this one thing because it's where we are at - and I have my own take on it.

The thing she told me was that while embryo donors give a great gift to their recipients, their recipients also give a gift back, and that's the gift of closure. And I think maybe that's true.

But it shouldn't be.

I'm going to say it: find closure first. There, I gave you advice. Find closure on your own terms, in your own way, within your own sphere of control, within your own selves. Our recipients are struggling forward as fast as they can, which it turns out is very slowly. They're not in a position to give much back and, look, I remember what it's like. I remember being less than capable too.

I'm glad we held off making this decision all those years, even though in hindsight, that delay was a subtle brake on what we could have been doing - throwing more energy into our jobs, making plans for the family we already have, getting on with outside projects. Now, though, we're breathing. We know it will take as long as it takes and we're ok with that. We have our peace of mind and it doesn't rely on what our recipients do or do not get done with our embryos this year - and if a child comes into the equation, well, I just want us all to be able to start off right.

I want to thank you all for helping to be our closure. I can't say that enough. And I include in that the wise woman whose words I've discussed here. Truly, you guys are my stars and you've aligned for us.

In the meantime, I have nothing of note to report here. We're just, you know. Waiting.


3 Comments

MrsSpock said...

"Find closure first." Yep, great advice.

babywithatwist said...

I agree with that advice. We have 5 frozen embryos and are stuck as to what to do with them.

Aerotropolitan Comitissa said...

Thanks Mrs Spock. And thanks for reading, as always.

BabyWithATwist - good luck with your decision (and hit me up with a message any time). But yeah to an extent I think it's the time to completely process the decision that you need.

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