Well, as you all know today is X's 13th birthday, although I should say it was two days ago, but that was a Thursday and not really a good day for a party, but anyway today is the celebration of X's thirteenth, and insofar as you can ever mark the passage of one life stage to another, well, that time might as well be now. X - so far you have been a child. Now you are coming of age. You are an adolescent. And for making it this far - congratulations. Although it was a pretty close-run thing last week I can tell you, but that's another story.

Now, way back before you were born, I learnt a very important lesson about parenthood, and it's this: I can't make my children turn out the way I want.

I learnt that lesson through all the embryos we lost before X came into our lives. I wanted each and every one of them to develop into healthy, lively babies, but they didn't. They just didn't. No-one could explain why.

Eventually, there was X. Now, you can call it fate. You can call it God's Will. You can call it the collective wills of all the individuals involved, working, miraculously enough, towards a common goal. I mean, I don't really care what you call it, I'm just glad we got this far. And I'm glad that X has turned out to be everything I hoped for, more or less. Just kidding - you're perfect, of course.

But, although I'd like to take as much credit as I can, I know I haven't made it happen, and I know I can't make things happen from here on in, either. So when you're throwing your teenage tantrum and talking about how I'm ruining your life by not letting you "be your own person" I want you to remember this, X. Mummy knows she can't make you turn out the way she wants. She does.

But here's the bad news. That's never stopped me doing everything I can. And I will keep doing everything I can to help you be the person I always wanted you to be.

So what's that person like? Well, that person is healthy and takes good care of themselves. They are kind, and thoughtful, and patient. Adventurous, yet prudent. Full of a sense of life's possibilities, and a willingness to go beyond the everyday to expand those possibilities. That person is prepared to work hard to achieve great goals, able to face setbacks and keep going, or make tactical retreats where necessary, but come back with renewed vigor along a different path. That person is not only knowledgable, but also capable of wisdom and imagination. Able to keep believing, beyond the point where others have lost their hope. And the desire to become that person - well, that's the gift I want to give today. Although we also got you a new bike.

X, at some point it's up to you. We can't make you become anything. But we'll be here. We'll be here doing everything we can.


Bea said...

Four embryos. Two dead, one so badly damaged in the thaw that it wasn't worth coming in for on its own merits. So we thawed a fourth.

It's ok - average - but so fresh from the freezer no-one really knows whether it's going places or not.

This time, it hits me softly, without the explosive passion of months gone by. Just as deep, I'm sure, but it's an old wound and knows how to open and heal.

It is right to take some time for those that have been lost.

And for those who linger tenuously - I guess I'll be here, doing everything I can.


Bea said...

Not to take anything away from Katty who really is going it alone, but it's time to reveal the other subplot in my life at the moment.

Mr Bea found his dream job.

He's been interviewing for the last 2 months and today he accepted their offer.

They want him to start in about a month.

It's in Singapore.

It's a two-year committment.

How long can we put all our dreams on hold waiting for something that might never be? No - I couldn't ask him to pass it up.

So unless this cycle works (FS didn't seem that chirpy about it and believe me, he's a pretty chirpy guy) I'll be going it alone.

Until our embryo supply runs out.

And yes, basically this is a blantant plea for lots and lots of support.

Thanks, guys.


StellaNova said...

Oh Bea, that's good and bad news all rolled up into one! Does that mean you'll be staying here while he's in Singapore? It will be hard, but not impossible. I hope you don't need to 'go it alone' after this cycle ... but if you do, you know we'll still all be here for you.

Good luck with your transfer.

ColourYourWorld said...

Oh Bea !

It may very well only be a short time alone, I know that doesn't make it any easier...

Can you continue to do IVF in Singapore ?

We will be here to support you, all the way.

Take care

Bea said...

Wow - you gals were quick there.

There is IVF in Singapore. Whether it's cheaper than flying to and fro from Australia where we are covered... well, I don't know. At the moment, the thing where our embryos are still in Oz make that a moot point.

Plus - leave work to move to a new country I've never been to before to become a professional IVF patient? Would I slit my wrists? Do we really want to add "cutting down to only one income" to our list of problems? Or do I want to try and find a job that I'm constantly absent from due to "illness" such that they get pissed off at me when jobs in my area in Singa are pretty few and far between? All great options.

Talk me through this for a moment.

My current plan: stay in Oz til Feb. Unless this morning's rate of attrition continues, we have enough embryos to last til then (assuming we stick with single transfers which, well, wait til I check the obstetrical cover on our insurance and then I'll get back to you... although hmmm... taking care of twins in a country far, far away from family and friends... still doesn't seem like top stuff even if the medical side is covered.)

Feb we... make a new plan. Too many variables for anything more detailed.

Can anyone - ANYONE - see any options I can't?


Dramalish said...

Oh Bea.. LOTS of support here! I'm cheering on you and your embie with all my heart. Congratulations to Mr. Bea on his dream job, and kudos to you for being such a wonderfully supportive wife.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm not one togive advice since I just foudn your blog, but . . .

If having kids is a huge priority, I'd probably stay and continue IVF. Is it possible a job like this could ever come around again? Could he wait until later? I'm guessing not . .

Could you stay for a bit and do the IVF?

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