I'm in a pretty good mood this morning. Mental note: living away from your husband gives you a "get out of downward-spiralling depresssion free" card on the day you go home. Maybe it'll last til beta? One can only hope. At any rate, you'll find the following post isn't really indicative of my mood at the moment. I wrote it about a week ago, during the Whinge Amnesty, which (and I consider this fair warning) ends.... now.

I had coffee with That Friend last week. And let me say upfront, oh boy do I adore her. I really do. But I just have to get a few things off my chest.

First, a quick list of Things Which Probably Shouldn't Annoy Me But Really Do:

  1. No-one is phoning for your sons, neither of whom can form sentences yet. Especially not the one who can't even form words. Why you feel the need to provide a complete rollcall of every fucking person in your household on your answering machine message is beyond me.

  2. $1.65 can supply an underpriveliged child with a year's worth of eyesight-saving vitamin A or buy a handful of apples to use as training treats for horses at the local Riding For The Disabled association. Or it can buy your toddler a babychino he didn't ask for, doesn't want, and will eventually spill all over the table, possibly breaking the cup*. So, you know, whichever.

  3. I've seen your sister-in-law once, across a crowded room. We have never been formally, or even casually, introduced. I do not need to hear about her second consecutive pregnancy since we started trying to conceive. Especially when she is less than six weeks and has decided to give up on work now because she's "having a baby".

I would, however, like to thank That Friend for having the decency to look apologetic when she realised I wasn't laughing at her joke - the one where she says she can't wait to get back to work after this latest addition to the family** because, dear lord, get me out of here! Haha!

Special thanks also go to friend number two - my STAR. In response to That Friend's complaints about not having a life anymore, she stepped in quickly to point out that between being a medical student by day, studying medicine at night, and earning enough money to put herself through medicine by doing overnight and weekend work, really, she doesn't have a life either. And her parents don't sweep by and do a day's prac for her every now and then when she's feeling rundown. Thanks also for then turning to me and asking if I have a life, thus allowing me to point out that no, in fact, I also don't have a life, although in my case it's less due to insane business than having to put everything on hold every time I want to do a cycle, followed by the crippling depression of taking hormones and having things go wrong. Good point, well made.

I really think the immediate post-transfer period was the only time I could have withstood That Friend's company. Does that sound too much like sour grapes?

*I'm introducing the term Parent Poseur to refer to those couples who take unecessary actions to remind everyone of their parenthood whenever possible. Like ordering unwanted babychinos, because, hey look! I have to buy babychinos when I go to coffee shops now, because I have a kid! When organising mutual social events with a Parent Poseur they will always insist you change one aspect of the plan to suit their family lifestyle, even if they have to make something up. Later you will check with other parents and they will roll their eyes and agree that the couple in question were just being difficult. And smug. Parent Poseurs embody the mature form of the Pregna Donna.

**Did I mention she hadn't even conceived her first when we started trying?


Carol said...

great post. I only have one point of disagreement - which is that I don't agree that those things shouldn't annoy you. Because they sound like totally annoying things! I hate it when people put everyones names (including their pets sometimes!) on their answering machine. And what the heck is a babychino? sounds horrificly annoying.

I love the Parent Poseur term.

Bea said...

A "babychino" is a little cup of frothy, steamed milk with chocolate sprinkles on top served in an adorable little coffee cup. It's made to look like a miniture cappuchino. The idea is you take your kids to a coffee shop and they get to feel all grown up by getting a drink just like mum. It's the ultimate in yuppie grooming products.

Ultimately, I think it's lost on an eighteen-month-old (That Friend started with the babychinos when he was 9 months old).


Bea said...

Whoops, I counted, he's about 22 months now. I think my point still stands.


Sarah said...

hahaha!! all VERY annoying, but very entertaining!

and i LOVE the pregna donna post!

TeamWinks said...

I love the new terms! Ha! Ha!

GLouise said...

Ugg- how annoying.

The answering machines annoy me too.

Unknown said...

The Friend sounds frighteningly light in the empathy section of her brain. And The Star deserves a gold one.

Samantha said...

Wow, I've never even heard of babychinos before reading your post. It does sound like the ultimate in conspicuous consumption. Just perfect for the Parent Poseur. Great term, although it's too bad that people actually exist to fit it.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I too am intrigued. What is a babychino? A coffee drink made with REAL LIVE BABIES?!? Is Starbucks in Australia grinding up real, live babies into their coffee drinks?!? You Ozzies are sick. SICK! :-)

I love you, Bea.

By the way, Parent Poseur is a perfect term. What is the opposite--those parents who refuse to believe that babies actually need things other than adults and keep their kids up until 11 p.m. and feed them cavier at age 6 months because who doesn't like cavier? Yes--I really do know some people like this...

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Ooops. Read your comment about babychino. That should teach me to read the comments BEFORE I comment.

Anonymous said...

Babycino -- wow, that's pretentious.

Love the new terms.

ColourYourWorld said...

LOL, I think you have just introduced the rest of the world to Babycinos.

I just called a friend and they have their 11 month old on the answering machine too. Arrgh. Not sure if he gets Babycinos, but very likely.

Parent Poseur ...I like.

M said...

Ugh... yep That Friend annoys the complete crap out of me too.

Also, why would I ring my friend on the other side of the country only to have to talk to her 9 month old who can't speak? Whilst being riveted by a blow by blow account of them licking the phone, blah blah blah. Cute kid, but wayyyy over the top. Parent Poseur indeed. x

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