Looks like transfer next Tuesday, he says. And I remember. The please-let-them-thaw-ok. The please-let-them-divide-and-grow. The please-let-them-implant-and-properly-this-time and God-let-this-be-the-one. So much for ticking off one more transfer.

My mother wants to know if it's ok to fly during the two week wait. I nod and shrug and tell her not to worry. "So you've asked your specialist about it?" she asks.

"Ah, no, well, I didn't really see the point since I'm going to fly anyway." She purses her lips at me.

I skip the NICU documentary program. And the comedy called "The Worst Week Of My Life" about the last week of the main character's pregnancy. I bet I can think of a story to top it. Except mine won't be funny. It's the second series - the first was about the lead-up to the wedding. I find myself thinking, "Shit - when we started trying these fictional people hadn't even been invented yet, and here they are having a baby."

Grandma rings to say Cousin has had her little girl. At twenty-eight weeks. She says they are both doing fine, but I can't help but add the silent "considering".

I play phone tag with That Friend and we finally catch up. But my voice has gone brittle, my sentences clipped. I am not as ok as I used to be. I hear her draw a deep breath, sucking in courage, and brace myself instinctively. "K had her baby," she tells me, and I ask when - a little too quickly, perhaps. It was a full week after my would-have-been-due date. We both exhale, relieved, and move on. But I have nothing much to say. Nothing except please-let-them-thaw-ok, lease-let-them-divide-and-grow, please-let-them-implant-and-properly-this-time and God-let-this-be-the-one.

FS asks me how I'm doing. I tell him I'm doing fine, and I am.


Give me life, give me pain
Give me myself again...

Oh, these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces...

Teendoc has a point. Go around there to read more if you think the fact Amazon requires a due date in order to create a registry is arbitrary and stupid.


Bea said...

It's come to my attention that your baby registry service requires a due date. Many customers are trying to expand their families in ways which do not fit nicely into the traditional model required to specify a due date. These customers have friends and family who have waited years to lavish the much-anticipated arrival with gifts, and the due date requirement is a stinging insult at the end of a very long and wearing process.

Is there a reason you need a due date? I can't see one.

May I request you alter this feature to include the full range of customers wishing to use it.


Lut C. said...

Tuesday, that leaves you quite some time for intense agonising. Hoping with you that all goes well and that this becomes the one.

Mandy said...

It's how gay people used to be treated - don't look at them and they don't exist. Thats how a lot of people/companies/medical aids choose to deal with us. A crying shame, really.

Jules said...

Fingers crossed for Tuesday.

Divide-and-grow, divide-and-grow.

ColourYourWorld said...

I hope those little earthquakes don't even register on the Richter scale.

I have everything crossed for you.

Rachel Inbar said...

I'm thinking of you :-)

beagle said...

Great letter to amazon.

Wishing you lots of luck on Tuesday . . . I do hope this is the one for you!!

Samantha said...

Hi, I'm new to your blog and the blogging world. Wishing you all the best with the upcoming transfer. And hey, I say don't worry about flying at all. How could that possibly be a problem?

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Little earthquakes-how appropriate!

I'm going to be writing a letter to Amazon, too! That is crazy and unacceptable.

You commented on my blog that I should just start a registry at Target since they sent me a coupon for starting a baby registry. When I read your comment I thought to myself "I bet they won't let me since I don't have a due date." Then I came on here and read teendocs post. I bet Target would do the same thing. I was actually thinking of writing Target a nasty letter telling them their direct marketing SUCKS and just because I fall into a certain demographic doesn't make it right for them to remind me of my infertility!

I'm going to repeat "please-let-them-thaw-ok" many times throughout the day for you!

Teendoc said...

Good luck to you, my dear. And thank you so much for supporting my cause with Amazon. It may seem silly to some, but goodness, we infertiles have been through so much. How much more do we need to deal with?

Keep the updates on your progress coming!

Hopeful Mother said...

I love your new blog header, btw.

I will be thinking of you and your embryos next week... and yeah, I don't think flying during the 2ww is a big deal at all. No worries.

Anonymous said...

Best of luck on Tuesday, Bea, and also this weekend as you wait for transfer.

millie said...

It's perfectly safe to fly during the 2ww. No worries at all there. In fact, as hard as it is to accept there's really nothing you can do during that time that can hurt, the embryos are totally in a bubble.

Best of luck to you.

Love the Little Earthquakes quote.

Watson said...

Hi there,

I'm joining in to add to the chorus of:

please-let-them-thaw-ok, please-let-them-divide-and-grow, please-let-them-implant and PLEASE let-this-be-the-one.


Wishing you all the best.


Kris said...

Oh yes, please let this be the one. And that 2 weeks after your transfer we get some earth shaking good news!

Powered by Blogger.